


Never Got Over It (Michael's Side)

by bakanekofan



Series: Boyf Riends Reunion [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Anxious Michael Mell, Childhood Memories, Doubt, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Original Male Mom Friend, Post-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, Reunions, Twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-01-04 04:32:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18336248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakanekofan/pseuds/bakanekofan
Summary: Michael and Jeremy lost touch in college, but are reunited through Twitter. Things are totally different now, but can they manage to find common ground and finally talk about their past and feelings for each other?(This is a recounting of the same events as the original fic I posted titled "Never Got Over It," just from Michael's perspective.)





	1. I Can't Do This

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this first chapter well over a month ago now and have just had it kicking around while I try to work on more chapters, but I figured I'd give you guys a little taste now because it's my birthday and I'm feeling generous. So here you go. It's a recounting of the same events from Michael's perspective, and I realize it's quite a bit longer than Jeremy's but that's because, frankly, Michael has more to tell backstory wise with M Red and Tyler and all.

Two years had passed since Michael graduated college, but if he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t grown up at all since then. No, more accurately, he hadn’t grown up at all since high school. He was still just as much of a geeky, immature child as he had been then, the only difference was he was mildly more educated and didn’t have to steal from his mom’s wallet to fund his stash anymore. He, along with his class and former roommate from college, Tyler Moore, had started a business, one that had been affectionately dubbed “M Red,” a play on both of their last names as well as ‘Red,’ the color of the Mountain Dew Michael seemed to carry absolutely everywhere with him, calling it his ‘security blanket.’ It had been a joke in college, but the name had stuck when they actually filed for their startup loan, and by that point there was really no going back.

Tyler was a business major that Michael had begun to hang around with after they met in a Denny’s parking lot just off campus sophomore year, both stoned out of their minds. Why else would anyone be at Denny’s at 4:20 AM? Well, why else would anyone be at Denny’s in general? Michael had, in his heightened state, begun spouting off his plans, an idea for a new, revolutionary console gaming system, and an alliance was formed between them to bring it to life. In order to see how well they would work together as business partners, the two had decided to room together, a change that was made effective the following semester, and when that went well, their plans for business became more serious until finally, they had graduated, and immediately afterwards pursued a startup loan and procurement of patents and materials. For the span of about 9 months, the pair lived and worked out of Michael’s mom’s basement, putting together the system and putting it to the test until finally, it was ready.

It took all of one showcasing at a convention to get developers on board with the system, dubbed ‘Red One,’ and with their support as well as kickstarters and private investors, they managed to earn enough funds to make the move out to California and obtain a warehouse, which they converted to a factory/development lab/home office. The combination made for cramped quarters, but it was the best they could manage on a tight budget, and they even hired on some employees to help keep things running smoothly. Tyler was the book keeper, he ran the business in every aspect, while Michael was the ‘fun boss’ as he liked to say, coming up with all of the new ideas, pitching them, and getting hands on in their development and design. It was really only in the past year that M Red’s Red One had really taken off on the market, but things were already looking up for them.

Even so, there are always some things that never change. Michael still carried a bottle of Mountain Dew Red around with him everywhere he went, and every surface of both his office and devices were absolutely covered in photos and memorabilia of times long past- high school years and even younger. Times spent with his best friend and long-term crush that he had never really managed to get over, Jeremy Heere. For some reason, no one ever asked him about Jeremy- well, Tyler had a few times, but never at length, and Michael had more or less vented at him about the situation so much that he wouldn’t be surprised if the man had actively told all of the employees that it was a taboo subject, which was why, one evening, when Michael was sitting down to a late evening meeting with Jenny, one of the lead game designers who had been with them almost since day one, he was surprised when she approached him excitedly with a picture of what was undeniably Jeremy’s arm, the Pac-Man tattoo being a dead giveaway. “You’re not going to believe this,” Jenny gushed, shoving the photo at Michael, “I know we’re not supposed to talk about him since he’s a sensitive subject or whatever, but that guy in all the pictures- he’s looking for you.”

For a moment, Michael stared at her in disbelief, then glanced down at the picture, “Where did you get this?”

“Twitter. So I know it’s not really in my job description, but I kinda take it on myself to, like, once a month, search your name and dispel rumors-”

“Okay, we’re going to have to talk about you not doing that later because it’s super fucking creepy, but go on.” Michael urged.

Rolling her eyes, Jenny continued, “Usually there’s not much there, anyway. Just product reviews and whatever. But this time your name was trending on Twitter. Just earlier today, someone on Twitter calling themselves Jeremy Heere posted this and a picture I’ve seen in your office before of the two of you at high school graduation saying he was looking for you and asking Twitter Detectives to help find you. It’s been retweeted, like, a ton, and I know you don’t go on Twitter much except for new project announcement hype, but I really think you should look into it, see if you think he’s legit.”

Michael, who was positively incapable of acting professional in any manner when Jeremy was mentioned (probably another reason Jeremy wasn’t allowed to be mentioned at work) pulled out the laptop he’d been intending to use for his presentation and instead opened up Twitter, Jenny hovering over his shoulder as he read the original post from Jeremy, which hadn’t been all that difficult to find as so many others had already pinged Michael in the thread asking if it was him. 

_ Hey #TwitterDetectives I have one for you. I lost touch with my best friend back in college and I’ve been really missing him lately. Any chance you could help me find him? His name is Michael Mell, I’m Jeremy Heere. (He’s the one on the right) 1/2  _

(Included was a photo of Michael and Jeremy at their high school graduation party, throwing their hats)

_ He pretty much saved my life in high school and he means the world to me but I don’t even know where or how he is and I feel awful about it. If it helps, he has a tattoo matching this one on his right arm. Thank you! 2/2 _

Michael proceeded to stare at the thread for a good five minutes until finally Jenny, concerned by her boss’ lack of reaction, poked his cheek and asked, “Are you broken? Please don’t be broken. Don’t leave me alone with Tyler, it’ll totally throw off the good cop/bad cop vibe.”

It was then that Michael’s senses returned to him. He swatted Jenny’s hand away and told her, “Meeting’s cancelled. Tell Tyler we’re on for Play NYC. It’s short-notice but they’ve been begging us to come so I don’t think they’ll mind. I want everything else off my schedule until after the con ‘cause I’m going to need time to set up panels, and Jenny? You’re incredible.” He slammed his laptop closed, kissing her cheek and leaving her blushing and flustered in the meeting room as he whisked himself off to his office, where he penned a quick response to Jeremy’s thread, even including a photo of his arm next to the bottle of Red as evidence.

_ Aww, does Jewemy miss his Micha? _

All teasing aside, Michael set to work on panel topics until Tyler burst in unannounced, “What the HELL are you doing, Michael? You can’t go to Play NYC! We said we weren’t going, remember? Your words, and I quote, ‘I’m never doing another con as long as I live, this was the most stress-inducing experience of my life and I hate it. Too many people, too much noise, too much pressure.’ You had five panic attacks in one three day weekend, FIVE, and I had to cover almost all of the panels myself because you couldn’t handle it!”

With a careless shrug, Michael replied, “I’m over it.”

“You’re over…” Tyler pinched the bridge of his nose, “You’re over your lifelong anxiety of crowds and being the focus of attention? You have enough trouble hosting meetings with people you’ve associated with for months, let alone strangers! Again I ask, what the HELL?”

Michael switched back to the Twitter tab, still open in his browser, though it had been minimized, and shoved the laptop in Tyler’s general direction, “I said we’re going.”

It took a moment for Tyler to register exactly what Michael was getting at, showing him a Twitter thread, but then he realized… “So that’s what this is about. Jeremy. I should have known he was somehow involved. Michael, listen, you can’t just-”

“I can and I will.” Michael cut in firmly, “I don’t care how many strings we have to pull, I’m not missing this shot. I need this, Tyler, I’m not letting go. Leave the logistics to me, but I need to see him again.”

Tyler sighed heavily in response, “Well, you’re not going to budge on this one, so I’ll let it slide, but on conditions! Number one, you absolutely, one-hundred percent, will NOT make this a replay of last time where you run off and leave all the panels to me.”

“Done.”

“And two… Don’t be stupid about this. You know he’s going to be just as oblivious now as he was back then. If you don’t tell him up front how you feel, nothing’s going to change and you’re just going to come back disappointed and upset and probably in a worse mental state than you were when we met and honestly, we don’t have time for it. M Red is  _ soaring _ , Michael, we’re doing  _ so _ well, don’t fuck it up by getting yourself so depressed over something so avoidable that you can’t work. Even an outright rejection would be better than you pining and being confused. I can pull you out of a rejection slump, but I can’t put the words in his mouth to let you know for sure one way or the other, understood?”

Michael sucked in a breath between his teeth, “I can’t promise that one. I just… I just want him back in my life, Ty, even as a friend, it doesn’t matter. I miss him so much, I can’t risk losing him forever over how I feel about him.”

“Risk? Don’t talk to me about risk, Mell. Risk is putting everything about M Red on hold to chase tail in New York and then never even giving yourself a chance with said tail. This ship has two captains- you’re one of them, and you’d damn well better start acting like it before it becomes a modern Titanic.” Tyler warned, “I’ll set something up with Play NYC, but so help me, if you fuck this up, there will be hell to pay.” With this, he left in just as big of a rush as he had been coming in.

Michael very nearly pulled an all-nighter working on panel content, and continued to work at it throughout the following workday, but he heard nothing from Twitter the entire time, and he was beginning to wonder if maybe he had set all of this up prematurely with Play NYC. What if Jeremy didn’t even want to go? Or couldn’t? But then, just as he was starting to worry about it, a notification came through, and he hastily opened it.

_ You ass. How do you private message on here? _

Jeremy, just as clueless as ever. Michael snorted in amusement before diving right back into his anxiety. How soon was too soon to reply? He didn’t want to make it seem like he’d been waiting for the response, like he’d been as desperate as he felt. But it was Jeremy, so… After a few minutes of waffling with his hand over the send button, Michael finally managed to push it.

_ Michael Mell: Right here, dude. Gotta say I was surprised when one of my employees started asking about you out of nowhere. _

_ Jeremy Heere: Employees? Also, what’s with the little check next to your name? I thought only like, celebrities and rich people had those? _

Wait, Jeremy hadn’t even heard of M Red? That was hurtful.

_ Michael Mell: It just means I’m verified, so people aren’t fooled by posers, and yes, employees. You really don’t know? Dude, do a quick Google Search of my name. _

There was static silence for a few minutes, during which time Michael presumed, accurately, that Jeremy was doing research. Not long after, his reply came in.

_ Jeremy Heere: What can I say? Congrats, dude! _

_ Michael Mell: Thanks, it’s been pretty crazy. Hey, I’m going to be at Play NYC next week for work. If I send you tickets, you want to meet up? You’re still in Jersey, right? _

_ Jeremy Heere: Yes and yes! But first can I get your number? _

The two then exchanged contact information and mutually agreed to save the rest of the conversation for their meetup, though they still kept in contact through the week about logistics such as hotel stays. Tyler had already handled weaseling them into hotel rooms, and one of them was a suite with two rooms, so Michael figured he and Jeremy could just share, almost like old times.

Michael and Tyler actually arrived a day before the convention to set up and acquaint themselves with the layout of the hall so they could more easily find their way around after it filled with people, so of course, by the time Jeremy was set to arrive on Friday, Michael had already left for the convention, though he did decide to leave a note, just so Jeremy wouldn’t freak out about his absence, and left it on a desk near the door.

_ Went early to set up for the panel, make yourself at home. Just don’t get too cozy Sir Jacks-a-Lot. _

Although Tyler had told him to “dress business casual,” Michael didn’t own any clothing matching that description. He had all of one suit used for meetings with clients and that was it. The rest was all ‘nerd gear’ as Tyler called it, but on this particular occasion, he opted to wear something he knew Jeremy would recognize. The red patched hoodie he wore almost every day in high school. It still saw some daily use, though not as much as it used to since he mostly held onto it for sentimental value, but he liked to wear it when he was having a bad day- today, though, wouldn’t be bad. He’d finally be reuniting with Jeremy, and that meant everything to him.

Tyler made a disgusted expression when Michael approached their booth in the hoodie, “What happened to business casual?”

“This is casual, and my business is video games, so I think I got it covered pretty well.” Michael replied cheekily, grinning at his partner as he took his seat beside him. Already, the hall was beginning to fill, and as more people arrived, Michael’s anxiety mounted. It was so loud. Why was it always so loud? He wanted so desperately to put his headphones on and drown out the world, but he knew if he’d even BROUGHT the headphones, Tyler would have killed him.

“Hey,” Tyler called to him softly, empathy in his expression, “You good?”

Michael grimaced, “I don’t look it, do I?”

“You don’t.” Tyler affirmed, “I got you something.” Under the table, he passed Michael a textured stress ball with a small smile, “We’ve got this.”

Michael struggled to return the smile, “Thanks.” Tyler really was a good friend, always looking out for him, much like Michael himself had done for Jeremy in years past, though the two of them had never been as close as he had been to Jeremy, and they often had trouble seeing eye-to-eye on things or even finding common ground as far as interests. Still, having something to squeeze and run his fingers over definitely helped Michael remain focused and calm throughout the presentation, though he very nearly lost it when he noticed Jeremy in that crowd. Tyler must have noticed, too, because he made a completely impromptu joke as an excuse to grab Michael’s shoulder and give it a squeeze, grounding him back in the moment. 

Even so, by the time he had concluded his speech, he barely had the presence of mind to shove the stress ball into his hoodie pocket before diving over the table Dukes of Hazzard style and hug-tackling Jeremy, who actually squeaked from the force. It had to be the most adorable thing Michael had ever heard, but he forced himself to keep from commenting on it, “It’s been so long!” Was what he said instead.

“Too long,” Jeremy agreed, finally hugging back.

Michael only allowed himself a few moments of this bliss before stepping back. Couldn’t let it go on too long or it might look weird. Besides, he wanted to get a better look at Jeremy, it had been so long since he’d seen the man in person. “You eat yet? I didn’t have time this morning and I’ve got a few hours before my next panel.” He offered.

“Nah, I haven’t eaten. You want to go get something?” Jeremy asked with a shake of his head, and it was agreed that they would go to a cafe for lunch. The ride to the cafe had been far too quiet for Michael’s tastes, but he had absolutely no idea how to break the silence, and it seemed Jeremy didn’t, either. How were you even supposed to start a conversation with someone you haven’t seen in over six years?

By the time they were seated, though, Michael decided he’d had enough. Someone had to break the ice and since Jeremy wasn’t exactly delivering on that front, he had to say something. “So, uh… What are you doing these days?” It was awkward, and probably not the best conversation starter, but it was something.

“HR. Really exciting.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, “I don’t love it, but it pays the rent. It’s just been hard making friends, you know? I kinda lost touch with everyone from high school during college, I was so focused on studying.”

HR? What the hell was Jeremy doing in HR? That  _ had _ to be something his father talked him into. Jeremy would never willingly go into that field. So dull. Stable, sure, but since when was anything Jeremy did stable? He spent $400 on a supercomputer pill to make him cool, and someone was putting him in charge of their employees relations? Of course, Michael said exactly none of this out loud, instead, he focused on the last part, “Well good. I’d be pissed if you were still hanging out with Rich but magically lost my number.” Which was absolutely true. If Jeremy were still talking to Rich and not Michael the poor man would probably scream. “But I know what you mean. I’m pretty much the same way. It’s hard to meet people when you’re always working, and then you get time off and you just want to crash.”

Jeremy seemed to agree with this sentiment, shrugging and saying, “That and you set the bar pretty high for my best friend standards. You ruined me.”

“Ah, yes. My heroic antics ruined your chance at new friendships.” Michael snorted, “Speaking of, did you like that pic I sent you on Twitter?”

“With the Red? You’re such a dork. And naming your company after it?” Jeremy teased right back, and it almost felt like old times. Almost.

Michael grinned, and without thinking, told Jeremy the story behind the name. “Yeah. I always keep a bottle around, just in case, you know? Anyway, my partner thought it would be funny, since I carry it around with me even at work, to name everything ‘Red’ so…”

Jeremy tipped his head to the side and had a strange, almost unreadable expression and his tone shifted to something that sounded akin to jealousy? Or maybe it was Michael’s imagination. Either way, he asked, “Partner?”

“Hm?” Michael stared at the expression a moment more before correcting,  _ “Business _ partner, Jer. Don’t worry, I’m still forever alone.” He flashed a sad smile of his own, as it still hurt to think about the fact that he didn’t see himself ever moving on from Jeremy. “Yeah, we met in college and I started talking about what I wanted to do. He’s a business major so he runs that end and I run the fun side of game and system development and design. It’s funny, though, of the two of us, he’s the one that has all the fun outside of work.”

“Yeah, me too. Christine and I mutually broke it off like a month in to college, I don’t know if you remember. We didn’t like the long distance thing and it was just too hard to focus on school and a serious relationship at the same time.” Ah. Jeremy talking about that time he got Michael’s hopes up and proceeded to completely lose contact with him immediately afterwards. Just what this day needed.

“No, I don’t remember you calling me sobbing at three in the goddamn morning the day before my first exam.” Michael deadpanned, though he felt bad when Jeremy squirmed with a quietly mumbled apology and instead tried to make it into a lighthearted joke, laughing and assuring him, “It’s all good, dude. I got some extra studying in that helped me pass it. You never reconnected with her though, huh? That’s a shame.” He definitely didn’t pass that test.

Jeremy shrugged slightly and replied, “I guess, but I don’t think it would have worked with her anyway, you know? I just got too nervous around her and looking back I think it might have been more me lusting after her than actual love. I mean, I can’t remember anything about her personality other than she liked theater, but I can still remember what she looked like.”

While the revelation itself was no real surprise to Michael, who had suspected as much from the beginning, the fact that Jeremy himself had become aware of it was new. Maybe he’d grown up a bit after all. Maybe- no, he couldn’t let himself dare to dream again. Focusing instead on the milkshake that had been set before him, Michael took a sip and said, “Well, maybe it’s for the best, then.” He paused briefly before adding, “You ever try like dating sites?”

Jeremy was quick to retort, “Did you?” Touche and well played, Jeremy.

“Fair point, but I have a reason not to. People would recognize me and try to get with me for money and status.” Michael excused, but while that was all true, it wasn’t exactly a huge factor. It wouldn’t be that difficult to weed out the seedy people from the genuine. Sighing, he lowered his gaze and tried a new tactic, trying to follow Tyler’s advice of broaching the elephant in the room. “Besides, I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone who actually wants to be with me.”

Jeremy frowned, appearing confused,  “What? Why not? What’s not to love about you?”

Fighting down the urge to scream ‘You tell me!’, Michael shifted uncomfortably and said, “I’m just really particular about what I want, you know? And finding someone who fits that description and also actually wants to be with me just… I don’t think it’s going to happen. And yeah, I know I could lower expectations, but I don’t want to. I know there are people like that that exist, it’s just a matter of them being interested in me that’s the problem.”

“Did you just admit to having a crush?” Jeremy asked curiously, and Michael had absolutely not been expecting that. Jeremy being mildly perceptive about any of the clues Michael was leaving for him? What the hell?

Tripping over his own thoughts and emotions, Michael barely managed to stammer out, “I.. uh… I-I mean… I might have? At one point, there was this guy I really liked, but he never saw me that way. We were super close and liked all the same things and just really connected… Got matching tattoos.” His hand wandered idly to his own right forearm, rubbing over the tattoo in question, just under the fabric of his hoodie as he tried so hard to remain vague, “Anyway, we had a falling out and things were never really the same after that. He said some pretty hurtful things and I know he didn’t mean it, but he never really apologized for it or anything, and then we lost touch. He was always oblivious to my feelings and had this crush on some girl, so I never explicitly told him I liked him.”

“Sounds to me like you need to raise your standards rather than lower them.” Jeremy mumbled, “I mean, if you guys were that close and he didn’t even properly apologize for making you feel bad or stop to notice or care that you liked him that way? You deserve better, Michael.”

Well this was downright infuriating. Now Jeremy was putting himself down without even realizing it was his own stupid, oblivious ass Michael was talking about. “I don’t want better! I want- … him.” Michael barely managed to catch himself in time to prevent himself from saying ‘you,’ but he’d done it. Hanging his head, he took several deep, calming breaths before deciding he needed to remove himself from the situation pronto, before he blew everything. “I’m sorry, Jeremy. I can’t do this right now. I really thought things would be different, but… I can’t… I’m sorry.” He pulled a fifty out of his wallet and tossed it on the table before running for the exit, leaving his food untouched. He needed to go, get away, get somewhere… Safe… Safe… Where was safe? He wasn’t at home. He wasn’t even in Jersey. Where the hell was “safe” around here? Hotel room? But Jeremy would go there. Con? And be asked about what happened by Tyler while surrounded by strangers? Not a chance in hell. Then he saw it. The one thing that was sure to calm him down: sweet, sweet familiarity of a Seven Eleven.

He pushed himself through the doors and wandered aimlessly through the store, taking entirely too long looking at the prices of each individual product, just trying to buy some time and calm down while sucking down a cherry Slurpee. He realized he probably looked shady as hell to the cashier, who was definitely watching his every move, but he hadn’t broken any laws. Eventually, though, as he got down to the last drops, the man behind the counter cleared his throat and asked, “Are you going to pay for that?” Getting the hint, Michael paid, then went out into the alley beside the shop and leaned against the building, sitting on the ground. He didn’t even have his weed on him, he obviously hadn’t been able to bring it on the plane with him, and he didn’t know where to score any locally. All he had was that stupid stress ball from Tyler. He pulled it out of his pocket, turning it over in his hands and squeezing it, trying so hard to get his mind back under control.

It had to have been at least two hours since he’d left the cafe when someone approached and a hand reached out for him, a familiar voice saying softly, “You’re so predictable, Mell.”

Looking up, Michael wiped a tear from his eye. When had he started crying? Foregoing Tyler’s hand, he stood up and hugged the man instead, a gesture that was easily reciprocated despite the fact that he knew Tyler hated being touched. “I’m sorry,” He whispered.

“I know, I know.” Tyler soothed, “Look, don’t worry about the con, okay? I knew this would happen, that’s why I tried to talk you out of it, just… You need to straighten this out before we go back. You’ve only got two days after today before we go back to Cali and if you’re not alright by then, we’re all going to suffer for it. I know it’s tough, but you’re tougher, right? You’ve been through way worse things than rejection, and you’re gonna pull through this, too.” He pressed a plastic shopping bag into Michael’s hand. Confused, Michael checked the contents and was shocked at what was inside. His headphones, old walkman, and even a smaller bag with a rolled blunt in it. “I figured you might need this, just in case. I took your headphones and walkman when you were asleep on the plane and got the blunt when we landed for emergency purposes. Stay here as long as you need, but you’re going to have to go back and talk to him at some point. You’re going to have to sort this out before we leave. Gather yourself up and keep on going. We still need you.”

Michael felt like he could cry all over again. “Ty…”

“You’ve got this. I’ll handle the panels and press.” Tyler offered a smile and patted Michael’s cheek before turning to take his leave.

God, what had Michael done to deserve such a good friend? Sliding his headphones on, he turned on the music and Bob Marley’s voice, assured and strong, crooned gently in his ear about how everything would be alright. It took some time, and, yeah, smoking the joint, to manage to calm himself, but once he felt collected enough, Michael returned back to the hotel. It was quiet, and the lights were off. Maybe Michael was in the clear? Maybe Jeremy was still at the con and he could just sneak to his room and fake sleep? Maybe- “Michael?”

Michael nearly jumped out of his skin on hearing Jeremy’s voice behind him. Plastering a smile on his face, he turned to face him, “Hey, Jeremy. Missed you at the con today.” A lie. He hadn’t gone back, but maybe Jeremy wouldn’t have noticed. It was a big hall.

“You ran away from me.” Jeremy reminded. Fuck. So much for getting off the hook. “Your lunch is in the fridge, by the way.”

“Oh, uh… thanks.” Michael said awkwardly, praying that awkward, conflict-dodging Jeremy was still in there, but the way he was moving to physically put himself between the door and Michael suggested otherwise.

“About earlier…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Michael defended stiffly, “I’m sorry I ran off, but just… Forget about it. It’s not important, I was overreacting and I just want to chill like we used to, okay?”

Unfortunately, new Jeremy seemed to be less of a pushover than Michael remembered. On second thought, old Jeremy wasn’t much of a pushover, either. If he had been, the Squip would have been a non-issue. “Well I want to talk about it.”

Michael tried to get to the door, but Jeremy wouldn’t budge, “Come on, man. Just drop it. I need a joint.”

“You’re not running away from me again.” Dammit, Jeremy… “We need to talk about this.”

Flashbacks to memories long suppressed arose within Michael, threatening to bring his Slurpee back up with them, but he couldn’t help the words that came next, “Or you’ll what?”

Jeremy seemed to at least understand where he was coming from and said, “Or I’ll cry.”

That was laughable. Jeremy crying over Michael? He scoffed, “As if. You’d never cry over me.” He left out the fact that it was always the other way around.

In the softest voice Michael had ever heard Jeremy use- which was saying something, as Jeremy got pretty damn quiet when he didn’t want to talk about something, he said “I’ve done it before.” Michael raised a questioning eyebrow, silently urging him to continue. “That night… Halloween. You have no idea how bad I felt about that. How many nights I stayed up crying with that stupid fucking Tic-Tac electrocuting me for caring enough to show any emotion about it at all, telling me I didn’t deserve to have you in my life, but then contradicting itself saying I could do better and would make better friends who actually cared about me, that you only ever cared about yourself and what you stood to gain out of situations, how hard I fought to remember all of the good things about you because it would only let me remember the indifference- you have  _ no _ idea, Michael.”

Electrocuting? Jeremy had been upset and the Squip had been electrocuting him? Feeding him lies about how much Michael cared- what the hell else had that bastard machine done to his precious Jeremy? Tears were starting to form again as he quietly agreed, “I don’t. You’re right.”

But apparently Jeremy wasn’t finished there. “You’re right. I never did apologize to you properly because I never really knew how to. I was honestly afraid to even bring it up because I knew how bad I hurt you and I didn’t want you to have to relive it all. You’ve suffered enough because of me, and I didn’t- and don’t- want to make it worse… Maybe that’s subconsciously part of the reason we lost touch in college. Maybe some selfless part of my brain was trying to save you from me, because what I said was true, too. You deserve so much better, Micha, so much more. One day you’ll understand that. One day you’ll meet some lucky guy who-”

Unable to take anymore of this absolute garbage banter, Michael finally interjected angrily, “You fucking idiot!” He hadn’t meant to say that, but he was so done with this conversation,  “I don’t want ‘better,’ I don’t want ‘more,’ I want my Player Two. It’s always been you, Jeremy. And I know you don’t-” He took a steadying breath. This was really happening. No going back. No taking it back now, no regrets. He’d have to live with whatever happened next forever. “I know you don’t see me like that, ‘n I’m sorry if it makes you feel weird or awkward or whatever, I just… I can’t see myself with anyone else, now or ever, really.” A silence came over them as Michael finished speaking that seemed to last an eternity, filled only by the mess of anxious thoughts in his own head. He had to say something, so he started rambling to fill the void, “I mean- I just… Jeremy, please say something, you’re really starting to freak me out and I can’t lose you again, I just got you back and-”

“Michael!” Jeremy interrupted, bringing his hands up to Michael’s shoulders in a familiar gesture that almost instantly put Michael at ease- well, at least more at ease than he had been. “Stop. I’m not going anywhere. Breathe.” Following Jeremy’s advice, Michael focused on his breathing, in, out… Jeremy started talking again, “I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just thinking… Why don’t I get a say in what I want?”

Wait, what? It took Michael a moment to comprehend what Jeremy had just said. Did he mean what he thought he meant? But why? Why would he-- he felt bad. He felt bad for Michael, and why wouldn’t he? Poor, desperate Michael who he’d abandoned in a bathroom and left to die, and now Jeremy was trying to make up for it by playing the caring boyfriend Michael had always wanted, at least until someone Jeremy actually wanted came along. Michael brushed Jeremy’s hands off his shoulders, turning away from him. “I don’t want pity, Heere.”

The pain in Jeremy’s voice was palpable as he asked, “I really have been a shitty best friend, huh? I mean, that you think I’d, what, pity date you knowing you’ve been pining after me for so long?”

Ugh, how was Michael supposed to stay mad at that? Looking guiltily over his shoulder, Michael started, “Jer-”

But Jeremy interrupted, “No, no. Don’t, I have been, I know I have. Not all of it was the Squip. I said some pretty shit things to you when it was off and even before then, just the fact that I thought I needed one, that somehow my best friend, the one who had been there for me through everything for as long as I can remember, my favorite person in the world wasn’t enough for me. That I needed some girl on my arm and more friends, to be cool… And I didn’t care what I had to do to get that, who got hurt in the process.” Jeremy was rubbing his arm awkwardly, and for a second, Michael was transported to a different place and time. Back before the Squip, little, awkward, anxious, teenage Jeremy, eyes downcast and miserable. Michael turned to face him fully, fighting his undeniable urge to wrap him up in his arms and never let go.  “I’m sorry, Michael. I really am, and I know sorry doesn’t make it right, I can’t go back and change what happened, and I wish I could say I never meant to hurt you, but… I think we both know that’s not true.” Well, at least he wasn’t denying it. Jeremy took a shaky breath then, “When I came back here looking for you… I’d been about to leave to go back to the con when I ran into someone at the door. He introduced himself as Tyler Moore, CEO and co-founder of your company.” Shit. Shitshitshit what did Tyler say? This was bad. They were supposed to meet on Michael’s terms, not like this. “I don’t think I would have figured it out if he didn’t show up. I would have just let it go when you asked because all I wanted when I came up here was my best friend back.”

Afraid to ask, Michael swallowed hard before vocalizing his thoughts, “What… What did he say?” 

“A lot. We had a good talk. He asked me if I knew where you were and I told him I didn’t know what I did wrong, so he… enlightened me. Made me realize that the one you’d been talking about earlier… That was me, wasn’t it? All this time, that was me. I spent the whole rest of the day here by myself, trying to figure out what to even do with that information. If I should just play dumb and act as ignorant as ever around you. I poured over everything in our past. All those sleepovers I’d wake up to you fake-sleeping with your arms around me, and I knew you were faking because I could see you smiling, but I never tried to move you, and you’d pretend to wake up and go on like everything was normal. The face you made any time I talked about Christine. You got this weird expression I just couldn’t place because I’d never seen you make it before, this sad little half-smile. I know what it was now. Acceptance. You were trying to tell yourself that it was enough, that you needed to be happy and supportive.” Jeremy moved away from the door, but while he recognized his chance to escape the conversation, Michael knew he couldn’t. He’d come this far, he needed to see it through, so he joined Jeremy on the couch in the common area.

Jeremy continued, “I also thought about my own feelings. Like, yeah, I can’t believe I never noticed yours, but… I think I was just as oblivious about myself.” What? Oblivious about himself? Jeremy smiled, “I told you earlier I never got back in touch with Christine? I probably could have. I could have found her the same way I found you. She’s my ex girlfriend, and it’s not like we broke up on bad terms or anything, maybe there was still a chance things could have worked for us. Who knows? But when I saw that Twitter Detective story, the only one I thought of was you. How badly I wanted to see you again. And you talking about your partner? I was pissed. I just assumed you meant lover and I got so mad. I told myself at the time it was because you were my best friend, and you should have told me, but even that rationalization is illogical because we hadn’t been in touch. You talking about what I thought was some guy you met in college, getting a tattoo with him, that was supposed to be  _ our _ thing. Speaking of, best friends don’t get matching tattoos. That’s literally not a thing that happens. The only thing missing is little hearts, some sappy quote, and our names on it, but, God, do you even remember? I was the one who suggested it!”

One subject Michael would never be outdone in: Michael and Jeremy history trivia. Immediately, he defended, “Of course I remember! Fifteen, sitting in my basement just starting to come down from our first high and I was rambling on about some guy I knew from the internet who did tatts on teens in the back of his shop and you just blurted out ‘We should do that! Matching tattoos, best friends forever! You’re never getting rid of me.’ I mean, obviously we didn’t do it right then, but once both of us had sobered up enough to think clearly, we went through with it anyway.”

That got a smile out of Jeremy, “Yeah. I cried the whole time. It’s a miracle I was able to keep still enough for it to come out okay.” The man took a shaky breath before going back to the conversation at hand, “But that’s not it, either. I don’t think I ever told you about this, but the play-” That word being used in context triggered Michael, who went rigid as a board at it’s mention, but he was still listening.  “-Part of the reason I was so happy to see you is what happened before you got there. I’d tried to give Christine a Squip and her response really resonated with me, made me rethink everything. Made me regret ever getting a Squip… And I was trying to think of ways to fight back, to turn it off, and I remembered Rich at Halloween, screaming about Mountain Dew Red. I realized that was the key, and at that point, I could have gone looking for Christine for help, I could even have gone to see Rich in the hospital, but I knew there was only one person who could save me. Only one person who cared enough about me to drop everything and do anything for me… I didn’t even know if you’d answer, but I tried to call you.”

Jeremy… tried to call him? “From the play?” He asked, terribly confused by this revelation. The whole incident was vivid in his mind as it had been the day it happened and he certainly didn’t recall his phone ringing.

Jeremy nodded, “I pulled out my phone and started frantically trying to bring up your number but the Squip shut down my phone and made me drop it, but I guess it had to use so much energy doing that that it couldn’t block you from my field of vision anymore, because then you came in and I could have cried. It was like you knew, like you somehow sensed that I was in distress and came running to save me.”

Chuckling, Michael confessed, “I’m not that heroic.” He twisted the string of his hoodie around his finger, “Your dad came over earlier that day. I had given up hope, was getting high and burning old keepsakes, memories of you, on my front porch. He convinced me to go back and try one more time. We made a deal. I’d try harder to be your friend if he tried harder to be your dad.”

Jeremy stared at him with all the bewilderment of a deer in headlights,  _ “That’s _ why he started wearing pants?! Why he even bothered to go to the hospital? That was all you?!”

Shrugging, Michael nodded, “It was no big deal, and I already had the Dew at that point. I got it before Halloween, just… you didn’t want it at the time. But go back to what you were saying. Where are you going with this?”

“R-right.” Jeremy combed his fingers back through his hair while Michael actively pushed away the wish that it was his own hand. “Well, I… I was thinking about all of this all day and trying to figure myself out, and I think I found the answer. Maybe one I was too afraid to find before and actively rejected. I do think I like you, Michael, and I probably have for a long time, I just figured that the feelings I had for you were friendly because I had nothing to compare it to, no other friends, and even if I had, I still would have said it was because you were my best friend. And it’s not- it’s not pity, I swear it’s not. I may have been a complete ass to you in high school, but please believe I wouldn’t screw with your head like that.”

Again, Michael had to think about what exactly was happening. Why would Jeremy come to him with a sudden confession like this? What did he stand to gain? What did he want? If not pity, why would Jeremy ‘I’m-not-queer’ Heere want him? Unless that was exactly it… He was questioning and wanted to experiment. He was looking for a guinea pig and Michael was the perfect willing subject. Lowering his head and his tone, Michael said, “I think you should go.”

“I… what? Michael?”

“You heard me. I hate to do this, but I need to put my own sanity first for once. I’ve been through enough emotional turmoil at your hands for one lifetime, and I can’t… Jeremy, I can’t. Maybe if you were saying this when we were younger, before the Squip, I would have gone along with it, but I need to start looking out for me, too. I can’t make my life all about you anymore. I’ve got this business to run and there’s still so much more I want to do with it, see it grow and evolve and… If I let myself go along with this, I know how it’s going to end. It’ll be the death of M Red and the death of me.” Michael could hear his own voice cracking, but he heard Tyler’s just as clearly, warning him that he needed to keep his wits about him. He needed to remain firm in his resolve. It wasn’t just about him anymore, he was the face, the brains, the  _ life _ of M Red. He had other people he needed to look after now, to be there for, be strong for. “Go home and find someone else to experiment with. I can’t be that guy right now.”

A harsh laugh erupted from Jeremy and Michael’s head snapped up, glaring at the man. How dare he laugh in a situation like this? Was it all a joke to him? Some sick prank? “No- no, Michael, I didn’t- it’s not funny, just…” Jeremy shook his head, obviously trying to gather his own thoughts, “That was never part of this equation. I’m past that part. I… In college, I started getting bored of the same old porn, so I branched out. Didn’t take long to figure out I’m bi, at the very least. I didn’t tell you about it because we had already fallen out of touch and it didn’t seem important to bring up at lunch this morning. It’s just… It’s funny in a sad sort of way that you’ve come to expect so little of me. That I’d use you like that. No, that wasn’t what I was suggesting, and not ‘friends with benefits’ either. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be ready for benefits with anyone after… after what happened, but-”

Jeremy’s train of thought ended there, and Michael furrowed his brow in concern, “No, no, you don’t get to just let that go. What happened?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” Jeremy tried, but Michael was having none of it, and eventually, Jeremy sighed and relented, “I guess you deserve to hear about it. Halloween junior year. There’s a reason I went running into the bathroom all breathless and freaking out. So, from the beginning? I was late getting there, Brooke invited me- we were dating at the time, and she wandered off to get me a drink. While she was gone, Chloe came over and said Brooke had a surprise for me and to follow her. I didn’t think it was weird because they were best friends, so I went along. She took me to Jake’s parents room and Brooke wasn’t there. That’s about the time I started getting suspicious. She told me Brooke wasn’t coming and pushed me down on the bed, started kissing me and trying to undress me and I tried to get away but the Squip wouldn’t let me get up and then she made me drink from her bottle, but it had alcohol in it and it messed up the Squip. Next thing I know Brooke and Jake are knocking at the door and then Jake comes in through the window because Chloe was making it sound like we were having sex and FINALLY the Squip turned off. I was able to get away while Chloe was arguing with Jake and I ran to the bathroom and you were there and I felt so much better just knowing you were there until you brought up the reason.” The man took a shaky breath and even Michael himself was still reeling from the revelation. How had he not known any of this? How had he not seen or asked? “I just… I felt so weak and helpless, and I feel stupid talking about it, like it shouldn’t bother me that much-”

Michael couldn’t take it any more, he brought a hand up to Jeremy’s shoulder and squeezed gently, soothing, “No, Jeremy. It’s not stupid. Chloe had no right to do that, and the Squip made it a million times worse not letting you get away.”

“Whenever…” Jeremy leaned into Michael’s touch and the man melted at the action, allowing his instincts to pull him into a hug. Jeremy hid his face in Michael’s hoodie and continued, and, though his voice was muffled, Michael had no trouble understanding, “Whenever things got heated with Christine, I always had to run away. She never knew why, and I could see it was upsetting her, but I just couldn’t tell her. I haven’t really had any relationships with anyone but my right hand since then, but I’m probably no better off now than I was then if it’s still this hard to even just talk about.”

Michael carded his fingers through Jeremy’s hair as he waited it out, waiting for Jeremy to calm enough to listen… Waiting for his own mind to supply him with something to say, but Jeremy was the one who broke the silence. “My point is… That’s not what I’m looking for. It’s not experimentation, it’s not about sex, it’s just you, Michael. I want… I want to be able to hold you and kiss you and call you my boyfriend and do all the sweet sappy things we used to make fun of other couples for doing.” Michael snorted at this, all of those memories… Jeremy’s gaze met his as he said, “I wanna dance with somebody.”

His own face lighting up in recognition at the song, painful as it was to hear, Michael finished, “Somebody who loves me.” He leaned his forehead against Jeremy’s, closing his eyes and taking several steadying breaths. This was too good to be true. It had to be. There was no way this was happening. No… even if it were, there was still a glaring issue. “It’s a bad idea.”

Jeremy tore himself away from Michael, and it was clear that he was trying to keep the hurt out of his tone and off his face but it just wasn’t working, “You’re seriously still doubting me?”

“No, not doubt.” Michael said softly, “It’s just… You said the reason you and Christine broke up was distance, right? I live on the other side of the country now, Jer, and I can’t move. The studio, all my employees and equipment I’d either have to replace or relocate, not to mention talking Tyler into it…”

“So I’ll come to you.” Jeremy suggested, as if it truly were that simple. How naive could one guy be? “I mean, it can’t be that hard to find an HR gig in California, right?”

“You can’t just pack up and leave everything for me.” Michael protested, trying to make him see reason in spite of his own desires, “What about your dad? I know first hand how hard it was leaving my moms behind and you may hate New Jersey now, but there’s something about the familiarity of knowing where everything is that you’ll never get again once you leave.”

Jeremy shook his head, “I did a semester abroad, not to mention I went to college in the

city, I know what it’s like to live away from home.” With a soft, heartwarming smile, he added, “Besides, if the reason I’m staying is familiarity, then that’s all the more reason to go. You’re not there, and there’s nothing more comforting and familiar than just having you near me.”

Those words immediately brought tears to Michael’s eyes. God how had he ever gone so long without Jeremy directly beside him? “You gotta stop saying things like that. You have no idea what that does to me. You’re so sweet… Jeremy…” He threw his arms around Jeremy again, hugging him tightly for a moment before a thought occurred to him and he pulled back to wipe his own eyes and say excitedly, “You can stay with me! I was thinking of getting a roommate anyway ‘cause I get so lonely, and- and hey! We don’t even HAVE an HR department yet, you can run it! Tyler and I have been running ourselves ragged doing all that shit on our own, and you could help with product testing, it’d be awesome! We can play together like old times but get paid to do it! Well, I mean, I’d be the one paying myself, but-” Normally, Jeremy would have said something to stop Michael’s rambling by then. He’d either agree or disagree vocally, or even laugh, but no sound came from him, only an unsettlingly entertained smile. Michael stopped himself and wrinkled his nose, “Too soon? Slow down, right?”

Shaking his head, Jeremy assured him,  “No, it’s just… really good to see you this excited about something. But if you’re actually making me a serious job offer, shouldn’t you be running this by Tyler first? Like, shouldn’t there be an interview?”

Okay, well that made sense to Michael. Forcing himself to be professional, which was still not something that came easily to him, he agreed, “Okay, you’re right. Interview.” He straightened himself up, “Okay, Mr. Heere, I’ve been over your resume, and it’s quite impressive, but I’m going to need to make sure you don’t just look good on paper. So we’re going to do a little role-playing exercise.” When Jeremy nodded his consent, Michael couldn’t help the overwhelming pride at how impressed he appeared to be by his change in demeanor. Unfortunately, that pride led directly to Michael completely breaking character, a grin taking over as he said, “Okay. I’m your boyfriend and I want a kiss.”

Impression gone. Jeremy protested, “You can’t roleplay reality, Michael.”

Still uncertain if this was reality, if it was really what Jeremy wanted or if he was just trying to cheer Michael up, he questioned, “Is it reality?” With a surge of confidence Michael would previously have thought Jeremy incapable of, the gap was closed between them and Jeremy’s lips collided with his own, locking them in a sweet, tender kiss. Damn, who the hell taught Jeremy how to- oh, right. Brooke. And Chloe. And Christine. Fuck, that meant Michael was the inexperienced one.

Pulling back, Jeremy said softly, “It is now. Did I get the job?” Michael’s heart melted, words forgotten as he broke out in a grin and nodded. “Which one?”

“Both.”


	2. Unexpected Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael get a chance to sit down and talk to Tyler and it goes a bit unexpectedly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This note is literally copy/pasted word-for-word from Jeremy's side's second chapter, so if you already read that one, don't waste your time. Bottom note mostly is, too, it's just the actual fic content that's different. (Well, the same but from a different perspective). 
> 
> Well, here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when I tried to kill you twice? (Portal 2 reference for those of you who didn't catch it)
> 
> Anyway, so uh... I don't know why this happened like it did, but it's starting to look like there might be more chapters than anticipated? Maybe. I don't plan on dragging it out forever, but I felt good about where I left off with this chapter and it was getting a bit lengthy so I decided to end where I did and there's still more I want to do between now and where I want to end it, just this chapter got out of hand because Tyler wound up being different than I expected.
> 
> One thing you should know going into this chapter though is that while I know it's technically canon that Michael has two moms, I don't headcanon that way. My headcanon is that his dad joined the military when Michael was young and was killed in action, and that his mom blames herself because she's a lot like Jeremy where if things are stagnant for too long, she feels like she needs something new, so she was pretty much the one who pushed him to enlist because they thought maybe if they spent time apart, their time together would be more special. Thing is, there's got to be a balance, right? You can't have ALL LGBT characters. Not everyone in the world IS. There are cis hetero people. There are LGBT people. It's not all one or the other and to write as if that were the case is distorting reality and, in my opinion, makes it seem like LGBT and cis/het people can't exist in the same universe. We're all people, we all share spacetime, and if fiction reflects that, who knows, maybe it will start to echo in reality too. Thanks for listening to my Ted-X talk, be sure to like and subscribe and hit the bell for notifications. *eyeroll*

After chatting for around an hour more, Michael finally declared that they should get some sleep so they would actually be conscious at the convention in the morning, but when Jeremy kissed his cheek goodnight and started making his way to the smaller bedroom, he couldn’t quite mask his disappointment. “Jeremy?” He called after him just as the man reached the door of his room.

“Yeah?” Jeremy glanced over his shoulder at Michael, who could see the anxiety rising in him, anxiety that hadn’t been there seconds ago when he’d kissed him.

“You know, if you want… I’m pretty sure my bed’s big enough for both of us.” Jeremy’s face went bright red and he turned away. Quickly, Michael corrected, “No pressure! I don’t mean it like that, just sleeping, right? Maybe a little cuddling, that’s all. Nothing we haven’t done before, okay? And you don’t have to if you don’t-”

“Just let me change first, okay?” Jeremy interrupted, though he didn’t make eye contact, and Michael wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

“Yeah, okay…” He relented, “Me too, then.” Michael went into the larger room and undressed, pulling only a pair of Donkey Kong pajama pants on over his boxers before brushing his teeth and climbing into bed. He had nearly fallen asleep when he felt the blankets pull back and someone slide in beside him. Cracking his eyes open, he saw Jeremy snuggle up against him, his hand hovering just over Michael’s chest, like he wanted to lay it there but was overthinking it. He probably  _ was _ overthinking it. Smiling, he put his hand over Jeremy’s and pushed it down onto his chest, his other arm wrapping around the man’s waist. Jeremy jolted at the movements and looked up at Michael, “Shh,” Michael murmured, kissing Jeremy’s forehead, “Stop thinking so loud and just sleep.” 

“S-sorry…” Jeremy mumbled in response, but when, after what felt like an eternity, Michael could still feel the man’s pulse racing beneath his hand, he had to break the silence.

Rolling onto his side to face Jeremy properly, he asked, “Alright, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Really, it’s not a big deal, we can sleep-”

“It’s a big deal if you’re still freaking out about it this much.” Michael interrupted, “Come on, talk to me.”

Jeremy sighed, “It’s stupid. It’s just… I’m scared, Michael. I’m scared I’m going to fuck things up again and lose you for good, that you’ll get sick of me or-”

“That  _ is _ pretty stupid, Jer.” Michael cut in with a soft chuckle. He pulled Jeremy in tighter against him, “It’s been six years since the last time I saw your face before today and that whole time, all I wanted was this. To just be able to hold you and kiss you, Jeremy, I’m not going to get sick of you. I know you inside and out better than anyone.”

“But that’s just it,” Jeremy countered, pushing back, “You’ve had me on a pedestal for so long, and I don’t really feel like I have, but what if I’ve changed since then? What if I’m not who you remember me to be?”

Michael shook his head in the low light from the ensuite, “I’ve never put you on a pedestal. I’ve always seen you for who you are. You’re not perfect, you’ve never been perfect, and you never will be, but neither am I. I’m not looking for perfect, I never wanted perfect, I just want you to be yourself, okay? There’s no way you’ve changed so much in six years that I won’t still love you. Only thing that could do that is-”

“I didn’t take another one.” Jeremy assured Michael without him needing to finish his thought. “I still sometimes hear it, but it’s far away, and I can tune it out. It never fully went away, but it doesn’t control me anymore.”

Frowning slightly, Michael kissed Jeremy’s forehead and held him tighter, “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t bother me anymore, it’s alright.” Jeremy said softly, closing his eyes, “I just don’t want to lose you again. Historically speaking, I’m pretty good at fucking everything up, especially where relationships are concerned. You, my mom, Brooke, Christine…”

Michael scoffed, “Your mom wasn’t worth it. She’s the one who left, she’s the one who never kept in touch, she’s the one who used to get so pissed at you for things beyond your control. That’s on her, not you. As for me? You’re not going to lose me, Jeremy. I don’t think you could if you tried, if what happened back then is any indication.” Jeremy only hummed in response, “I know you don’t believe me now, but time will prove it.” Michael said sweetly, “For now, just sleep. We’ll work everything else out when we get there.”

It wasn’t long after this that both boys fell asleep, woken far too early in the morning by the ringing of Michael’s phone. Groaning, Michael grabbed it off the nightstand, “Hello?”

“I’m making sure you get your ass up. You promised not to leave me alone for the panels.” Tyler’s voice came through the speaker. Michael checked the time- 7:30 AM. How the hell the man managed to wake up so early, on a weekend no less, Michael had no idea, but he wanted no part of it.

“When’s the first?”

“Ten thirty, but I want to get breakfast with you first, talk about yesterday… Are you good now?” There it was, the real reason for Tyler’s call. He was worried about Michael.

Smiling, Michael assured him, “I’m good. Thanks, Ty.” He paused a moment before asking, “Is it alright if I bring someone to breakfast?”

“About damn time!” Tyler cheered, “Yes, bring Jeremy.” They talked a moment longer, deciding where to meet before hanging up.

Looking over to Jeremy, who he noticed hadn’t moved from his previous position but was now shaking, Michael gently touched his shoulder, “You alright, Jeremy?”

Jeremy flinched at the contact and Michael withdrew his hand. Did he already regret what he said the night before? “I… sorry.” Jeremy said finally, sitting up and barely meeting Michael’s gaze, “I just… Freaked out a little, I guess. I kinda forgot what happened yesterday for a second and just got scared. I’m fine.”

Although he wasn’t quite convinced, Michael changed the subject, asking, “Well, that was Tyler. He wants to meet for breakfast before the panels start. You wanna come so I can actually introduce you?”

“Sure, as long as we have time to shower first?”

Snorting, Michael replied, “I insist on it. I’ve got enough things on my mind when I’m running panels, I don’t need to add ‘looks like shit’ to that list.”

“You don’t look like shit, just…” Jeremy wrinkled his nose, “You just smell like it.”

“Well thanks.” Laughing, Michael threw a pillow at Jeremy’s head before getting up to get ready, and soon enough, both had showered and dressed for the day and were on their way to the nearest Denny’s- where Tyler and Michael had decided on.

On the ride- an Uber Michael had gotten- Jeremy asked, “How are you doing all this, Micha? I mean, no offense, but you weren’t exactly great when the spotlight turned on you.”

“Tyler.” Michael answered immediately, “I wouldn’t be able to do anything without him. He tried to talk me out of coming to Play NYC actually. Initially, we’d turned them down, but when I saw your Twitter thread, I had to come up with an excuse to be closer to you so we could catch up. He didn’t want us to go because he knows how hard it is on me. After our first con, when we were first promoting the Red One, I told him I was never doing another con again, it was so bad. Five panic attacks in three days and I didn’t even show up to half the panels we were supposed to host together. But he’s gotten really good at reading me. He knows what I need, when I need it, sometimes even before I do, and always comes prepared.” He pulled the stress ball out of the pocket of his hoodie- he had changed, of course, into a clean one, but he’d transferred the ball into it just in case. “Yesterday, he gave me this right before the first panel, and apparently when I fell asleep on the plane, he took my headphones and walkman and threw them in a bag with weed, so when he found me after I ran off yesterday, he was able to calm me down. I don’t know if I would have been able to make it back to the hotel if he hadn’t done that.” Looking to Jeremy, Michael realized that he was staring at him strangely, “What?”

Shaking his head, Jeremy said, “Nothing, just… He sounds like you. Like that’s something you’d do for me, if I needed it. I’m just more okay with crowds and being the center of attention than you are.”

Michael scoffed, “He’s nothing like me. He  _ hates _ being touched by anyone. He doesn’t even do handshakes if he can help it, I usually have to body-block people to keep them from trying, his favorite music genre switches from week to week between Bluegrass and EDM, either way, he’s not allowed to choose playlists for office parties. He’s basically a total mom friend with poor taste.”

Jeremy actually doubled over he was laughing so hard, “Bluegrass and EDM? How…?”

“Right?! It’s totally weird! If you’re going to listen to terrible music, at least keep the genres similar.” Michael complained as the car came to a stop. Once inside Denny’s, he easily spotted Tyler, who looked absolutely out of place in his formal attire among the stoners, which Michael was quick to point out. “You look like you just left a funeral that didn’t serve anything you liked and your only option to eat today was a stop at Denny’s.” He announced as he slid into the booth across from Tyler.

Rolling his eyes, Tyler retorted, “And you look like you just sold your house to travel around the country living out of your van to try out all the different strains of weed.”

“Hey, don’t tempt me.” Michael shot back, grinning and pulling Jeremy, who was standing awkwardly at the side of the table, into the booth with him, “Anyway, I know you’ve technically already met, but Jeremy, this is Tyler, co-founder of M Red and massive pain in my ass, and Tyler, this is-”

“He needs no introduction. I’ve seen enough pictures of his childhood to feel like I’ve known him for years already.” Tyler cut in before nodding politely to Jeremy, “It’s good to finally have a chance to talk with you.”

Nodding back, Jeremy agreed, “Feeling’s mutual. I mean, not that I’ve seen pictures of your childhood just-”

“Hey, relax.” Michael soothed, “Nobody’s judging here.” Jeremy made a frustrated sound at this, but Michael turned back to Tyler and said, “Thanks again for yesterday, Ty, really. You’re a life saver.”

“I know I am,” Tyler preened, “Whatever would you do without me? I think I deserve a raise.”

“Then give yourself one, numbnuts. You’re already CEO, the only one you’d be taking money from is yourself.” Michael retorted with an amused snort before recalling something, “Oh, speaking of raises, uh… You know how we handle all the HR shit?”

Tyler raised a brow, “Handle it? You mean put it off until the last second when everyone is scrambling and then think about maybe doing something about it before the entire company crashes and burns?”

“Yeah, that.” Michael grinned, throwing his arm around Jeremy’s shoulder, “So I was talking to Jeremy yesterday, and apparently he’s an HR major.” Immediately, both of Tyler’s eyebrows shot up almost to his hairline, but a warning look from Michael, who never changed his tone of voice from his usual, happy, aloof one, took them back down, “So I was thinking…”

“Well, moving up here is out of the question.” Tyler said, and Michael could tell he was choosing his words carefully. The two of them had had a lot of conversations about Jeremy in the past, so he knew Tyler was having the same doubts he’d had, but really, the Human Resources job offer was just a cover, and both Tyler and Michael knew it, even if Jeremy wasn’t in on it. It was an excuse for them to stay together.

“I know, and I mentioned that. He’s going to room with me.” Michael announced, only faintly aware of how warm Jeremy’s neck was getting at the mention of that, far too focused on the subtextual argument he and Tyler were attempting to have without alerting Jeremy.

Apparently, Tyler couldn’t keep up the pretense of “subtext” any longer with that mention, however, “Are you  _ sure _ that’s a good idea, Michael? I mean, it’s just really soon…”

Rolling his eyes, Michael protested, “Eighteen years, Tyler. We’ve known each other eighteen years, I knew you, what, three weeks before we got our first shithole dorm room together? At least with Jeremy, I won’t have to worry about walking in on your weird ass making ramen in the nude singing Blue Moon of Kentucky into an ice cream scoop! Have you ever even BEEN to Kentucky? If I brought up an unlabeled map of the US, could you point out where Kentucky is?”

Slightly red-faced himself at the memory, though that had technically been when they were staying at the Mell family home and not in college, Tyler hissed, “Kentucky isn’t the point! It’s about a broken heart!”

“It’s about you standing naked in the kitchen where my mom could have walked in on you at any second, singing some shitty Bluegrass song from before we were born!” Michael shot back, “At least Jeremy has the decency to keep his private time in a bedroom with the door closed  _ not _ singing!”

“I’m not, uh... really sure I want to be part of this conversation…” Jeremy interjected quietly, his voice slightly strained in such a way Michael couldn’t tell if he was trying to keep from laughing or crying.

Either way, it was enough to bring Michael back to his senses, “I know what I want, Tyler, and I can handle myself.”

“Yeah, because you did such a great job of that yesterday.” Tyler shot back, scoffing, “If I hadn’t gone looking for you, you’d’ve been mugged, kidnapped, maybe killed, who knows. This is New York, anything could happen, especially standing in shady alleys behind convenience stores, and one of these days, I’m not going to look for you, Michael. You’re so convinced you can take care of yourself, maybe I should just  _ let _ you try, but then I’d be fucking myself over because we’re dead without you, but by all means, keep pushing me and my advice away. Keep telling me how wrong I am and see where it gets you. I started this with you because I believed in you, Michael. I believed in your vision and your talent, but mentally, you’re an overgrown child and you need someone looking out for you. You think  _ he’s _ going to do that?” He gestured, then, to Jeremy, “After everything he’s done? Can you even trust him not to drop you at a moment’s notice the second a ‘better’ opportunity walks by? Say what you want about me, but I’ve always had your back, consistently, whether I wanted to or not, and I know you can’t say the same for him. You want to fuck up your personal life, fine, that’s on you, but I’m not letting you drag Red down with you.” Standing, Tyler gave a most insincere, ‘great to meet you, Jeremy’ before leaving without even ordering.

Michael was fuming. He wanted to get up and go after Tyler, to continue their argument, but with Jeremy seated between himself and the edge of the booth, there was no way he’d get out fast enough. Instead, he simply let out a somewhat frantic, “What the hell was that all about?”

“He’s right, Micha.” Jeremy said in a tiny voice that Michael had to strain to hear, and it was then that he noticed Jeremy was shaking.

Pulling Jeremy in closer against him, Michael soothed, “He’s not. He doesn’t know you, Jer, he only knows what I’ve told him, and to be honest… Most of that hasn’t been the good stuff. I only really ever talked about you when I was high and venting.”

“I can’t even trust myself, Michael, and he’s right, I don’t look out for you. Not the way you do for me or he does for you. I should, but I don’t, and honestly, I don’t even know  _ how. _ ”

“I don’t need you to, Miah.” Michael murmured into the other man’s hair softly, “Contrary to popular belief, I  _ can _ take care of myself. Sure, what I did yesterday was stupid, but it’s not like I do anything like that on a regular basis. It was an exception, not the rule.I didn’t feel like I had anywhere else to go. I didn’t want to go back to the con or the hotel because I was afraid I’d run into you-”

“And if something happened between us again, and we were living together, where would you go?” Jeremy cut in, looking pointedly at Michael.

Michael wrinkled his nose, “Honestly? As long as we were back home, I’d go to Ty’s or Jenny’s, probably, or my office. I have options there, it’s just being here in an unfamiliar place where I don’t know anyone that’s the problem, and I don’t really plan on making convention appearances a regular deal, so I’m not too worried about it.” Jeremy was quiet, then, but Michael could tell by how rigid his body was that he was entirely unconvinced. “Do you remember my seventh birthday?”

Jeremy blinked at the sudden question, finally turning his head slightly to face Michael in surprise, “Wasn’t that the year your dad…?”

“Yeah,” Michael replied, swallowing a lump in his throat, “Yeah. Two weeks before my birthday, my mom got the folded flag, and my birthday was on a Wednesday, so a school night, and we didn’t have the same teacher that year, so I didn’t get to see you all day. My mom didn’t come out of her room that morning, and the whole day at school, no one even commented about my birthday. I got home, no missed calls from family, and my mom was still locked away in her room, and I was convinced no one had even remembered it was my birthday, and when you’re little like that, birthdays are the most exciting things ever, you know? So I was really upset, and I went up to my room to just cry but not even three minutes into it, you were standing on the front lawn blasting “Gee, I’m a Nerd” by Weird Al and gave me that stupid Magic card for the deck we were going to build before our parents found out the age rating and told us we couldn’t play until we were older.”

With what could almost be considered a half-smile, Jeremy recalled, “We never did pick it up.”

“We had less expensive interests by the time we were thirteen.” Michael supplied, “But the gift wasn’t the point. It was the fact that you remembered and you cared and not once that whole night we spent together did you mention my dad, or ask why my mom didn’t come down or when the party was or anything. You just made it about me, and that was really what I needed right then. You do know how to take care of me, Jeremy, and more than that, you do it when I need you most. Sure, maybe not every time I could use a little help, but when I’m really struggling, you’re always there, and that’s what makes it special, that you don’t do it all the time. I can get by on my own for the most part, but I know I can count on you when I need you, and that’s all that matters to me. And you know who’s never heard that story, or any of the others where you came through for me? Tyler. He has no right to judge you like that, and I’m gonna talk to him about it as soon as we’re done with panels for the day, but in the meantime, I just need you to know… I love you, Miah, and I do want you with me, even if Tyler does end up putting his foot down about letting you into M Red.”

Though the memories of their youth had seemed to do the trick for the most part, Jeremy still appeared a bit uncertain at the reintroduction of the concept of them living together as he asked, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure in my life. You’re my best friend, the one who’s been with me the longest, and the only one I’ve ever loved, and I want you with me. You may not trust yourself, but I trust you with my life, Jeremy. No, you’re not perfect. Yes, you’ve made mistakes in the past that have hurt me, and sure, maybe it could happen again, but no one is perfect. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. I forgive you, but I think it’s about time you forgive yourself.” Although Jeremy quickly buried his face in Michael’s hoodie, clinging to him like a second skin, the latter didn’t miss the sight of the freshly forming tears in his eyes. Holding Jeremy against him, he soothed, “Everything’s gonna work out, Miah, you’ll see.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. I'm sorry. I really am. Just a few disclaimers here: I don't hate Tyler OR Denny's, but... Denny's has a reputation, we all know this, and Tyler is a good guy who's trying to be a good mom friend to Michael but is just a bit overprotective. He's in mama bear mode and is lashing out at Jeremy because of it. Also, I know "Gee, I'm a Nerd" was never commercially released, I took artistic liberty in implying that it was because it fits them so well. I also considered "Pac-Man" (but decided it was too recently released and as they were kids when the song was played...), "Happy Birthday" (I don't think they would have really gotten the meaning of it at that age and might not really have enjoyed it as much) and "Buy Me a Condo" but "Buy Me a Condo" I was really only looking at because Marley, and I'm not sure how into Marley Michael would have been before pot, and I REALLY didn't want to imply a 7-year-old smoking up. XD So we got "Gee, I'm a Nerd." Of course it had to be Weird Al because this is Michael and Jeremy we're talking about. I mean, what do you honestly expect, Buble? Maybe some Beyonce? That's not them. Nothing against either of those artists, but that's not Michael and Jeremy.
> 
> Also, for those of you who haven't seen, Jeremy's side's second chapter should be up now as well, I posted that before this one.
> 
> PS: Hilariously enough, while Michael's was the longer one last time, Jeremy's was longer this time, and now their word counts are actually pretty well-matched with both chapters combined, and I'm highly amused by this, and also grateful for it because I really wasn't trying to play favorites with Michael's side being longer, it just happened that way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael works things out with Tyler and our boyfs decide how they want to handle the public eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest... I don't know how Jeremy's chapter got to be longer than Michael's. Michael's has so much more content, but I guess Jeremy's has more introspection and feeling? To be fair, both of them are LONG this time around, but somehow Jeremy's is like 100 words more than Michael's and I was not expecting that. I meant to update this on 4/20 because Michael but... XD I wound up sleeping almost the entire day and then going to work until almost midnight, so I wasn't able to finish.
> 
> Also, disclaimer, I have never in my life been high on anything, marijuana included. I've never even been more than slightly buzzed on alcohol. Closest I've ever been to being high was anesthesia after surgery. Would I probably benefit from pot? Yes. Is it legal in my area? Not yet. Am I afraid of random drug screenings at work? Yes. Will I be trying it until it's legal on the federal level for that reason? Probably not because I need money more than I need my sanity. Says a lot about the state of the world when you have to choose between those two, but that's neither here nor there, point is, I don't actually KNOW what it feels like, so if anyone who has experienced it has corrections for me, I'm all ears.
> 
> One more thing: There is a homophobic slur used in Michael's side of this chapter (it wasn't used in Jeremy's because he wasn't there for that conversation, so if you want to avoid it, just read Jeremy's and not Michael's)

A fairly pleasant, though largely uneventful, breakfast followed the conversation with Tyler, though, admittedly, when it came time to pay the bill and leave, Michael really didn’t want to. He dreaded having to face the man again after all he’d said, but knew it had to be done. There was no getting around it. Even if he could just pretend it didn’t happen for the rest of the convention, avoid being around Tyler the whole time- at the end of the weekend, he’d still have to fly back home right next to him on the plane, and would still have to return to work with him that Monday. As they entered the hall, he suggested to Jeremy, “You can go look around if you want. I mean, our panels are pretty repetitive anyway, and there won’t be much for you to do there.”

“I don’t care about the panel,” Jeremy said flatly, grabbing Michael’s arm and stopping dead in his tracks, forcing the other to turn and face him, “I care about  _ you. _ Whatever crawled up Tyler’s ass and died… It’s my fault, and I’m not just going to abandon you like that.”

Michael winced, because, yes, it  _ was _ at least partially Jeremy’s fault, but having him there was going to make the conversation a million times worse. “He’s not going to listen if you’re there. When he gets pissy, he sorta… just starts seeing red, I guess. Tunnel vision. He won’t listen to reason and getting him to calm down is a losing battle until you can completely remove him from the initial cause. He’s probably levelled out some since breakfast, but he’ll go right back up to eleven if he sees you again. I know you want to help and be supportive, and I appreciate that, but I gotta take care of this one myself.” He brought his hand up to Jeremy’s cheek, watching it redden under his fingers at the embarrassment of such a public display and honestly, the sight made his heart soar. Jeremy was just too pure. “I’ll be fine, I promise. Just swing by a little before noon and we’ll get lunch and I’ll tell you all about it, deal? It should be under control by then, either through us talking it out or ending up in a cell like last time.”

That gave Jeremy pause, “Last time?”

Oops. He hadn’t really meant to bring that up. “Yeah, it was… We were arguing. I was pushing for discs or cartridges, you know, like older systems have? He wanted to forego that style entirely and have all games be purchased digitally. To ‘modernize’ it. I don’t like how digital copies get locked in to people’s accounts, I think games should have resale value, but he said as a company, it’s smarter to have them locked to accounts so people  _ can’t _ resell so we and the developers profit more. This was back in college when we were first trying to figure things out with how to build the company and the Red One structurally, and we were in one of the student lounges and things got heated and I don’t really remember it all clearly but we started throwing things at each other, anything that wasn’t bolted down, and someone called the cops and next thing I knew we were sitting in… basically a drunk tank for disorderly conduct, assault, and battery plus destruction of property because I’m pretty sure he broke a window with a remote meant to hit me in the face.”

“How is any of this supposed to convince me to not go over there with you?” Jeremy deadpanned, folding his arms over his chest with a skeptical look.

Michael sighed, “Because if you  _ do _ come with me, it will for sure escalate. If you don’t, there’s a chance it won’t.” Even as he said this, however, Michael could see in Jeremy’s expression that he remained unconvinced. “You remember what I said earlier? He doesn’t know you, Miah, but you don’t know him, either. I know both of you, and I know my way around both of you. I lived with him for the better part of three years and have been working with him closer to five. I may not know him as well as I know you, but you just met him yesterday, and not on the best of terms, so please let me handle it?”

After a bit of an impromptu staring contest, Jeremy finally relented, lowering his gaze and saying, “Fine. Only because you asked nicely, but… Try not to cause a scene. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Smiling gently, Michael pulled Jeremy in for a hug, “I won’t. I’ll see you in a few hours.” He hesitated for a moment before pulling away and making his way to the panel, Jeremy’s farewell trailing after him. He’d wanted to kiss him, and really, they’d already hugged, so it shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it had been platonic enough that it would have been easy to explain away. A kiss would have been more difficult, had anyone seen them, or worse, caught it on camera, and he wasn’t sure it was really the best idea to be going public with the nature of their relationship just yet- not that he didn’t want to, of course! If it were entirely up to Michael, he’d shout his love for Jeremy from the rooftops, but he had to consider his boyfriend’s feelings on the matter, and they hadn’t had a chance to really discuss it. It would put Jeremy under the public eye and the scrutiny that came with that, something Michael himself struggled with at times, and he couldn’t imagine it would be any easier for Jeremy. That was, after all, why he didn’t follow Christine into the acting world after high school. Although it had pained him to walk away like that, it was probably for the best.

Unfortunately, when he arrived at the panel, Tyler’s mood didn’t seem to have improved much. Without so much as a sideways glance at Michael when he sat, the man simply greeted through gritted teeth, “Good of you to join me for this panel you insisted on coming to Play NYC to host, Mell.”

Groaning, Michael complained, “Really? You got something to say, look at me and say it.” After a few moments without a response, he scoffed and added, “It’s pretty funny. For all the times you call me immature, who’s the one playing the ‘insult then ignore’ game? Come on, Ty. We’re better than this.”

Finally turning to face Michael, Tyler huffed out, “ _ You’re _ better than  _ him. _ He’s just going to break your heart all over again and, once again, I’m going to be the one that has to swoop in and save you. I already run your professional life, Michael, I don’t have the time, energy, or inclination to run your personal one, too.”

“Then butt out of it?” Michael suggested cautiously, raising a brow, “Look, I get that you’re worried, but seriously, don’t be. Jeremy’s not like that. Yes, he’s hurt me in the past and no, I can’t see the future, but neither can you. What happened back then… Bad as it was, it doesn’t overshadow the twelve years we had prior to it. All the good times we shared, all the fun we had together. I wouldn’t still be pining over him if he were just a shit person. I may have low self-esteem, but it’s not  _ that _ low.” He paused a moment to ensure that Tyler was listening, that he wasn’t completely tuning him out, but a quick study of the man’s face was enough to prove that he was still attentive. “I know I’ve told you some about him, but you’ve gotta understand, what I told you wasn’t the norm for us. That was me venting about ancient history that I wished had been handled differently. I never told you about the good parts. How he was there for me when no one else was when my dad died, how he was the first person I came out to and I was so scared it was going to be a big deal and ruin our friendship and the first thing he said was, ‘when you called me crying, I thought something was wrong and hurried over here. I’m going to start calling you the gay who cried wolf.’ And the next day at school he gave me the pride patch that was on the hoodie I wore yesterday, and how he encouraged me to be open about it, how talking through it with him was the only thing that gave me enough courage to tell anyone else, my mom included. I never told you about how he  _ never _ stood up to anyone on his own behalf, but when I started getting shit about being gay, he got sent to the principal for a fistfight that started when some guy came up to me and tried to make a dig at me saying, ‘so I heard you’re a fag now?’ and Jeremy, who was standing right next to me, looked him over, then told him, ‘well, if you’re interested, I’ve got good news and bad news. Good news is, you heard right. Bad news is, he’s way out of your league.’ He’s good to me, Ty, and he always has been. He had  _ one _ slip-up during a hard time in his life and he’s suffered enough because of it. And as for your other point of me not being able to take care of myself? First of all, ouch, and second, contrary to popular belief, I  _ am _ a fully-functioning adult. I’m out of my natural habitat right now, so given the situation, I made a stupid decision yesterday, I’ll give you that, but when I know my surroundings, I don’t make those mistakes. You’ve been around me when I’ve had my attacks well enough to know by now. You know all my hiding spots. So thank you for your concern, and noted, but just give him a chance.”

Tyler was silent for a time, stone-faced, and Michael really thought for a moment that he had actually been tuning him out the entire time, but just as Michael opened his mouth to speak, Tyler asked, “You’re serious about this? Wanting him to stay with you and work with us?”

Michael sighed, “If you don’t want him working with us, I can live with that compromise, but he’s going to live with me one way or the other, yes. I don’t wanna spend another day away from him, Ty.”

“You understand what that means? If I say ‘no’ to him working with us, you’re going to have to support him financially and emotionally as he tries to find a job in an unforgiving market in unfamiliar territory for an indefinite amount of time with barely two years’ experience, if that?” Tyler challenged.

Michael snorted, “You underestimate me. Taking care of Jeremy comes to me more naturally than breathing. If it weren’t for the mental toll I know it would take on him, I wouldn’t care if he were stuck in job search limbo forever, and I sure as hell don’t care about the money. You know it’s never been about that for me. There’s a reason you’re CEO.”

Tyler studied Michael’s expression for a time, searching for something, and he must have found it, because he turned back toward the now-gathering crowd as he said, “If you have that much faith in him, I’ll trust your judgement. You’ve never steered us wrong before.”

Breaking out in a grin, Michael announced, “I could hug you right now.”

“I would advise against it.” Tyler warned.

“Which is why I’m not, I’m just saying I could.” Their gazes met through the corner of Tyler’s eye, and the CEO finally cracked a small smile. Maybe things would be alright after all.

When the first panel of the day came to a close, Jeremy came by, as promised, as it was around noon by then, and his nerves were evident just in the way he carried himself and looked between Michael and Tyler. Tyler was the first to notice him, as Michael was taking some notes in regards to an unexpected question one of the developers had asked. “Michael seems to think I’ve misjudged you. If I have, I’m sorry. I’m still not entirely convinced that I was wrong, but I hope you’ll prove to me that I was in time.”

Jeremy fidgeted awkwardly, “Well… Pending apology accepted, I guess?”

Michael snorted as he closed his laptop, offering Jeremy a smile, “We’re good now, Jer. He’s toned his overprotectiveness down to acceptable mom-friend levels.”

“I resent you referring to me as a mom-friend.” Tyler informed him casually.

“I resent your taste in music, so I guess that makes us even.” Michael shot back, standing and moving to stand beside Jeremy, “Are you coming to lunch with us, Ty?”

Tyler shook his head, “I have budgeting to rework and meetings to plan. You two go have fun.”

“Ugh. You know this is a weekend, right? And you’re literally on vacation?” Michael groaned.

“It’s a working vacation.” Tyler defended before turning his attention to Jeremy, “How soon will you be moving?”

Jeremy blinked in surprise at the question, “I, uh… I don’t know? I have to put in my two weeks and pack and my lease isn’t up until-”

“No you don’t.” Michael interjected, “You already have a new job, so you don’t need to worry about your resume, the apartment is already fully furnished, it would be cheaper to buy you new clothes than to ship what you have now. Just pack what you can’t live without. I’ll take care of the lease termination fee, I just don’t want to wait that long. I’ll reschedule my flight so we can leave Wednesday. That should be plenty of time to pack and say goodbye to Jersey, right?”

Staring at Michael, dumbfounded, Jeremy stammered, “W-wait, I do?”

“Hence the budget rework and meetings, but I don’t want to schedule them until I know you’ll be in. I’ll give you until a week from Wednesday to settle in, then you’ll hit the ground running. Fair?” Tyler questioned.

“I- uh… Yeah, that sounds… Wow. I just really wasn’t expecting that. Thank you, Tyler, that sounds perfect.” Jeremy said finally.

“Thank Michael, not me. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Tyler waved his hand in a dismissive, ‘shooing’ gesture, and the two wandered off in search of food.

They didn’t get far, however, before Jeremy grabbed Michael’s arm in much the same manner as he had done earlier in the day, “What?! What happened?”

Michael grinned and shrugged, “I told you I know my way around him. It was a simple misunderstanding, Miah. He only knew the bad parts of our relationship, not any of the good, so he formed a negative, and objectively incorrect, image of you. I just told him a couple stories of times you were there for me.” Jeremy was quiet for a moment, seeming a bit conflicted about something. “What?” Michael asked gently.

Jeremy shook his head, “Nothing, just… Did… Does he know about…” He pointed to his own head, then.

Michael scoffed, “No. I always left that detail out, no matter how high I was I wouldn’t have talked about it. He doesn’t know that the reason I carry the stupid bottle of Red around all the time is the same reason an exorcist carries a cross, he thinks I just find it cool because he knows I’m into retro drinks to begin with. It’s just not something you can tell people about unless they’ve gone through it themselves, not if you expect them to take you seriously.”

Then Jeremy suggested something that surprised him, “Maybe we should tell him? I mean, if you think- if you want to… I just think, like, he knows you well enough by now to believe you, right? And I mean, I have proof.”

“Proof?” Michael asked raising a brow. It was the first he’d heard anything about this.

“I can show you later,” Jeremy offered, “My dorm-mate noticed when I was changing one day, otherwise I don’t think I ever would have noticed… I have weird scars all down my spine from when it would shock me. You might be able to see some now on the back of my neck, actually.” He turned then to show Michael, who cautiously pulled the back of Jeremy’s shirt away, and sure enough, angry-looking red streaks that looked a bit like lightning bolts decorated the skin there.

“Jesus, Jeremy…” Michael mumbled, coming back in front of his boyfriend and pulling him into a hug, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your-”

“I know it’s not, but I could have done more to prevent it.” Michael cut in with a weighted sigh. Jeremy had suffered so much because of that damn thing, and Michael was sure that if he’d tried harder to talk him out of it, if he’d refused to take him to the mall that day, maybe… Maybe none of it would have happened.

“Let’s just… Let’s go get food, okay?” Jeremy suggested, trying to pull away, but Michael wasn’t ready to let go, and didn’t. “Micha?”

Michael shook his head, “Lost my appetite. I just want to hold you. I want to know you’re safe and here with me now.”

“I am. I’m right here, and I’m safe, and I promise I’m not going anywhere, but I’m hungry, and you need to eat, too, because you tend to get hangry when you miss meals, and you’ve got more panels to get through later so you need to be suitable for public consumption, so come on.” Jeremy encouraged, and this time, when he tried to pull away, Michael allowed it, albeit reluctantly.

“I don’t get hangry…” He mumbled as they resumed walking.

Jeremy snorted in amusement, “You’re literally a walking Snickers commercial. You’re the reason the term ‘hangry’ was invented.” 

Michael huffed, unamused and unconvinced by this claim, but the smile on Jeremy’s face made everything worth it. Eventually, they wound up in a Panera, and Michael said, “It actually went a lot better than I thought it would. Better than I initially thought it  _ did, _ too. Started off with some stupid petty jab about how I ditched yesterday and when I tried to talk to him he ignored me at first, but I got him to be a bit more receptive at least, but when I stopped talking, I thought for a minute he’d zoned out and was ignoring me again. He wasn’t, though, I think I just kinda shook his world view more than he was prepared for.”

“Yeah?” Jeremy asked, and knowing Jeremy as well as he did, he caught on quickly to the fact that the disinterest in his tone was feigned as he added, “What’d you tell him about?”

Shrugging, Michael replied honestly, “I just told him the truth. I told him he didn’t have a clear picture of you, that one bad experience at a shitty time in your life doesn’t overshadow all the good in the twelve years before that, and that you’d suffered enough because of it. Brought up some old memories as examples. The one I mentioned to you earlier about my dad and my birthday, how you were the first person I came out to…”

“That was a ride, wasn’t it?” Jeremy recalled with a small smile, “You called me sobbing at midnight on a school night in like, what, eighth grade? And I had to wake my parents up to drive me over to see you because I thought something was seriously wrong. No, you’re just gay. Ugh, I was so pissed.”

“How’d you pull that one off, anyway? I mean, your mom wasn’t exactly…”

Jeremy scoffed, “A mom?” He challenged, and, well, Michael had been trying to put it lightly, but he shrugged his shoulders up to his ears and nodded, “She was pissed, but more at my dad than at me because he was the one that agreed to take me. I think that was the beginning of the end for them…” Seeming to realize the implications of what he’d just said, he added quickly, “Not that it was your fault! Just, it was when my dad finally started putting his foot down and not rolling over and taking her shit. I was proud of him then, but I don’t think either of us expected for her to actually leave because of it.”

Michael sighed, poking around in his soup with his spoon, “I always wondered what happened with them. You never really told me what started it all, since it was such a sore subject, and I didn’t want to be the one to bring it up just like you never brought up my dad.”

“Well, that was it. Dad finally had enough and I remember being so proud of him at the time. I never brought it up because I wanted to see if it would actually change anything or even last, because you know how he can be, and I didn’t want to jinx it, but then… She found someone more willing to submit to her demands and left. Haven’t heard from her since.” Jeremy mumbled, his expression dimming to distant and depressed, the same one he’d worn almost constantly for the first few months following the divorce.

Placing his hand over Jeremy’s, which had been clutching at a napkin on the table so hard his knuckles were turning white, Michael said softly, “She doesn’t deserve to talk to either of you. For all his faults, your dad really cares about you. Maybe one day he’ll find someone new, maybe he won’t, but either way, he’s better off without her, and so are you.” When all he got in response was a dejected nod, Michael decided to switch gears a bit, “What about the patch?”

Interest returning to Jeremy’s face, he asked, “Patch? The one I gave you? What about it?”

“You gave it to me the next day at school, but… I mean, you came over in the middle of the night. How did you have time to run to the store before school? The mall doesn’t even open that early.” Michael pointed out.

Apparently, that was just the question to ask to cheer Jeremy up, because he went from being on the verge of tears to laughing hysterically, “Michael! Really? You thought-” He shook his head, trying to reign in his laughter “Micha, come on. We’d been friends for eight years before that. Eight  _ years. _ You really think in all that time, spending all our free time together, attached at the hip, I didn’t notice my best friend was gay? You think you  _ surprised _ me when you came out? The only surprise was that it was midnight on a school night. I got you that patch a year before any of that with some of the birthday money you gave me.”

Michael gawked at this revelation, “You- how?!”

“No offense, dude, but it was pretty obvious.” Jeremy snorted, “Whenever I’d try to talk to you about girls you would just squirm like it was a physically painful subject. You had more trouble talking about that than talking about your dad. Plus you’re a terrible actor because you couldn’t tell a lie if your life depended on it, and I know  _ all _ of your tells. I just can’t believe that all this time, you thought I’d gone to the mall and gotten that patch before school. It was sitting in a drawer in my desk collecting dust waiting for the day you’d tell me. I knew you would, one day, when you were ready, and I wasn’t going to push you into doing it before then.”

His heart melting with his overwhelming love for the man before him, Michael squeezed Jeremy’s hand tighter. He’d never thought his sentimental attachment to his ratty old hoodie from high school could ever possibly be validated, and yet… To know that Jeremy had accepted him before he had even accepted himself, to know that, while he may not have had the love from him that he’d wanted at the time, he at least had his support from even before he was ready for it was the most precious thing. “And you say you don’t know how to take care of me.”

Cracking a half-smile, Jeremy mused, “Maybe a little. Not as much as you do for me, though.”

“What about that time Dustin was being a dick about it and you got suspended because of me?” Michael reminded.

“That was self-defense and they knew it! I shouldn’t have been suspended.” Jeremy grumbled.

“You  _ did _ kinda provoke him.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, “He started it! He was being a complete prick! All I did was give him a taste of his own medicine and he started attacking me so I fought back. Open and closed self-defense, under no circumstances was I in the wrong!”

Michael chuckled, “Yes, yes, you were so brave. One might call you my plumber in red overalls.”

Pausing, Jeremy squinted, considering these words before asking, “Did you just make ‘knight in shining armor’ a Mario reference?”

“Look at who you’re talking to. Do you really need to ask that question?” Michael pointed out, and both burst into hysterical laughter that, under normal circumstances, such a stupid, corny joke should not have brought about, but given the absurdity of the situation, it did exactly that. When they finally managed to calm down enough, Michael wiped a tear shed during his giggle fit away and said, “God, I love that laugh. I missed this. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” Jeremy replied in a much softer, more subdued tone, and Michael then noticed where the other’s gaze had fallen to- where their hands were still together on the table.

Drawing further attention to the elephant in the room by grazing his thumb over the back of Jeremy’s hand, he asked in a hesitant manner, “Is this okay?” Jeremy’s eyes were wandering the restaurant then. “Jer?” It was loud enough with the lunch rush that simply lowering their voices made them almost indistinguishable from the noise around them. “I know it’s not fun, but we need to talk about boundaries. You gotta tell me what you’re okay with ‘cause… I may not be a total celebrity, but I am still considered a public figure, so some people might know my face. I’ve already had one incident where one our classmates from college posted a video of that time I told you about when Tyler and I were fighting and claimed it was recent, suggesting that we were having a fallout and M Red wouldn’t be around much longer as a result. PR nightmare and we had no one to handle it because we’re still just starting out. Whatever you want is fine with me. If you want to do a conference, we can do that, if you don’t want to make an announcement but not make an effort to hide, sure, if you want to just keep things professional outside of closed doors, that’s fine, too, but you gotta tell me what you want.”

“I just…” Jeremy sighed, hanging his head, “I don’t want to screw up your image. You’ve got a good thing going with the company and I don’t want to drag you down or hold you back.”

“I’ll be fine. As long as I’m not attacking anyone, things I say and do in my personal life shouldn’t have any impact on Red.” Michael assured him gently, “But don’t feel pressured to be public about it, either. If you want to keep private life private, there’s nothing wrong with that. I just… I know that’s why you didn’t go into acting with Christine, you didn’t want to be in the public eye to that extent.”

“Alone.” Jeremy said, so quietly Michael almost missed it, and he was sure he’d missed some words surrounding it.

“What?”

“I didn’t want to be in the public eye to that extent without my Player One.” Jeremy corrected with a weighted sigh, “Yeah, I was with Chris at the time, but she was never able to calm me down like you do. You know that feeling when your first hit starts to set in? That slow, creeping calm and the peace and quiet in your head that follows? That’s… I feel like that just knowing you’re there with me. Knowing I can count on you to get me through if things get rough. My rock, my security blanket, my hero, above all, my Player One. I couldn’t take the promise of scrutiny with the uncertainty that you might not always be there. With her, it was like everything was heightened. I got more anxious, I got more wound up, I got hyper-aware of everything at all times, but it’s the opposite with you, in any capacity, and it always has been. I’m still worried I might fuck up, but if you’re there… I know you’ll always have my back. So if you’re okay with it…”

“I am,” Michael offered immediately, and truly, he was shocked at Jeremy’s admittance because while, yes, he always did get a major confidence boost when Jeremy was around, he’d never once considered that he wasn’t the only one who felt better knowing the other was there, and he had no idea that even the thought of him not being there had been enough to make Jeremy give up on an acting career. They’d have to revisit that conversation another day, when the nature of their relationship was less new, more secure and settled, because he would one hundred percent support his boyfriend in a career change.

None of that was important in the moment, though, because Jeremy was smiling at him and saying, “Kiss me like you miss me, Red.”

And if that wasn’t the geekiest, most Jeremy thing he had ever heard yet oh, so appropriate given the name of his brand and  _ how _ did Jeremy manage to make a line from such a filthy movie sound so pure? “Well, come here.” Somehow, the already face-breaking smile Jeremy wore got even brighter when Michael played along, and he stood, moving around to the opposite side of the table, where Michael leapt to his feet and maybe he hadn’t been expecting Jeremy to take the moment and run with it quite as much as he did, because the next thing he knew, Jeremy’s legs were around his waist and they were kissing and Michael was  _ not _ physically prepared to support them both which meant they both fell back onto the chairs, the table and it’s contents clattering on top of them. Thankfully, with all the talking they’d been doing, the soup had at least cooled down, so they weren’t scalded when it spilled on them, but it didn’t change the fact they were now in a compromising position in the middle of a crowded Panera in New York city, sprawled out on chairs and covered in their lunch laughing with reckless abandon like they were kids again and without a care in the world. “I think I need to start working out.” Michael finally managed to say when they’d settled a bit.

“Just don’t go with any creepy salesmen to become a superhero, because cool as it’d be to say my hero is a literal superhero… Don’t.” And Jeremy’s lips were on his again and it was so perfect he didn’t even care about the people staring or the fact that he saw at least one person suspiciously holding a phone over Jeremy’s shoulder.

When Jeremy pulled back again, Michael couldn’t help himself, “I love you, Jeremy.”

Jeremy tucked his chin against his chest, trying to hide his blush as he replied, just barely loud enough for Michael to hear, “I love you, too, Michael.” Michael squeezed Jeremy and tried to go in for another kiss, but by that point, the manager of Panera was standing over them and cleared her throat impatiently. Kisses could wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who don't know, the "Kiss me like you miss me, Red." is borrowed from the second Deadpool movie. The falling onto the chairs and table bit is borrowed from my own imagination because... You know that's what would happen. Massive dorks.
> 
> I'm estimating two more chapters for this fic, with the next one being saying goodbye to Jersey/parents and moving in, and the final one being a sort of post-fic slice-of-life, going through daily life and major life events the boys would face. This is just an estimate, though, I could be wrong. I would like, at this time, to ask your opinion on something.
> 
> In the final chapter, do you want to see some NSFW? I wasn't planning on including sexual content in this fic from the start, (then again, I also wasn't planning on it being a multi-chapter or two-sided fic but here we are on chapter 3) but I might do one or two little slice-of-life bits with it if there's interest. Just let me know what you think and we'll see what happens.


	4. Parental Guidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Michael go to talk to their parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. This got LONG. I will warn you that I didn't include the other members of the Squip Squad. I wouldn't say it was intentional, but it wasn't unintentional, either, if that makes sense. The parents are most important and honestly, at this point, who knows who of the Squad is still even left in the area? Jeremy stayed around and he obviously never ran into any of them, so it stands to reason they've all moved to different corners of the world.
> 
> Another warning: Jeremy says something that I'm expecting will be a bit controversial to some people in regards to LGBT issues. Please note that while not all beliefs expressed by characters are a reflection of my own, in this particular instance, they are. It's explained a bit better in Jeremy's personal thoughts in his own chapter, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about when you get to it. I'll go into it more in the end notes, but I did want to warn you about it because, while I wouldn't call it "triggering" material, it could be viewed as offensive due to it's controversial nature.
> 
> Finally, there is mention of nudity in this chapter. XD It's non-explicit but it is mentioned.

The convention was, by and large, a success in every way. Critics, professional, and casual gamers all seemed interested and pleased with where M Red and the Red One were headed developmentally and on Sunday night before he left, Tyler even stopped by Michael and Jeremy’s suite to tell them they’d gotten a call from another big-name developer looking to do some cross-platforming that could, down the road, lead to the dev making games exclusively for their console. But the biggest success, to Michael, was the personal aspect. Finally reuniting with Jeremy and, more than that, having his feelings reciprocated. But even good things come to an end, and when Tyler went back home, it was time for the two of them to start getting ready for their move. They’d gone back to New Jersey on Sunday night after the con wrapped up and all but collapsed into bed, exhausted from the day and the long ride home, but the following morning, Jeremy had woken up early to call his boss. Michael had chosen to continue sleeping while Jeremy did this, for one, to give him some privacy to make the call, but also just because he wasn’t a morning person and had no desire to be awake so early.

Then it was breakfast and off to the Heere house. “God, this brings back memories.” Michael said quietly as they walked up the driveway. “You think your dad’s home? I mean, it is a Monday…”

Jeremy scoffed, “When I moved off to college, he went right back to where he was after mom left. I haven’t been able to get him to snap back out of it. It’s not like I don’t keep in touch or anything, I think he just feels like his job as a father is done. I’m an adult now, so I don’t need him anymore or something.”

“Well, at least it won’t be the first time I’m seeing his junk. Can you imagine? If I were anyone else and you were bringing me home-”

“I wouldn’t.” Jeremy interrupted with a harsh laugh, “I just wouldn’t. That would be mortifying.” He turned the key in the lock, opening the door as he called tentatively, “Dad? Are you wearing pants?”

Michael felt the need to chime in, then, “When we made our deal, I didn’t mean ‘until college,’ Mr. Heere!”

The man in question, who was absolutely NOT wearing pants, came bounding down the stairs in nothing but a bathrobe that wasn’t even tied with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth- at least he had the decency to pull that out before speaking. “Jeremy? Michael?! What- where did you come from?!”

“In Jeremy’s case, there, presumably.” Michael replied, pointing to the man’s exposed crotch with an amused snicker as Jeremy himself was, quite literally, banging his head against a wall, his entire face and neck red. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on, so, uh… If you want to go, I dunno, cover yourself? If you don’t have any pants, I’d be happy to go get some for you.”

“I’ll be right back!” He promised, disappearing up the stairs.

Michael, shaking his head and smiling to himself, pulled Jeremy away from the wall and held him instead as he complained, “This is a disaster. Why did I let you talk me into this?”

“It’s not that bad. Like I said, nothing I haven’t had etched into my brain already.” Michael assured him gently, kissing his forehead.

Jeremy shook his head but pulled away as he heard his father’s footsteps on the stairs once more. Moving the conversation to the family room, the three sat down and Michael started, “So, first off… I don’t know how much you’ve heard. Judging from the fact that even Jeremy didn’t know, I’m thinking probably not much, but I have my own company now out in California, a gaming console and I’ve put out a few indies to go along with it, mostly for promotion. We’re still new to the scene, but we’ve been steadily gaining steam and we’re doing great.”

“Well that’s wonderful news, Michael, but… How did the two of you reconnect? Jeremy’s been out of touch with everyone from high school for years now.” Mr. Heere pointed out.

“I was,” Jeremy supplied, “But I saw this video about people using social media to sort of help each other find people from their past, and the first person that came to mind for me was Michael. Less than a day later, we’d managed to find each other.”

“Right,” Michael agreed, “And then I offered to get him a ticket out to Play NYC since I’d been invited to it as a panelist, so we met up there and pretty much picked up right where we left off.”

“You don’t spend fourteen years being someone’s best friend and just lose that connection. Not without help, anyway.” Jeremy said, though his own addition at the end had him gazing off to the side.

Michael took his hand and squeezed it… But then he realized something. In their rush, they had entirely forgotten to even discuss how they wanted to broach the conversation of their relationship with their parents. Obviously it needed to be said, but the specifics were fuzzy. “No matter how far lost I might seem, I don’t think I could ever be completely out of your reach, Jeremy. I mean, barring death, obviously.”

“Well death better back the fuck off. I’m not letting you go again.” Jeremy replied with a smile to Michael.

Mr. Heere cleared his throat, reminding them of his presence, “I may not have been the best father, but I  _ am _ still your father, Jeremy. Watch your tongue.”

“Oh please, I’m an adult, who cares? Besides, it’s nothing you don’t say.” Jeremy pointed out.

“Never mind all that right now, we’re here for a reason, right?” Michael and Jeremy shared a glance, a silent conversation of who would speak first on the issue, and eventually, Jeremy conceded with a nod.

“Dad, I’m… There’s been so much…”

Michael pulled Jeremy into his side, “Breathe, Miah. You’re okay.” He soothed quietly.

“I know you might not see it, ‘cause I don’t come here all that much, but… I’ve been so lonely since college- well, high school, really. Losing touch with all my friends there really put me in a bad place. It shouldn’t be a surprise that the hardest blow was Michael. I’d been so busy with school, I didn’t really realize until after I’d graduated that I hadn’t heard from anyone lately, and by then, I’d lost all of their contact information. It was great being able to catch up with Michael, to see him again, but knowing we’d be going our separate ways again after the weekend, after the con, was bittersweet, and finding out he’d made new friends out there… I was jealous, and I don’t know if that jealousy was more from the fact that he had friends and I didn’t or that he had friends other than me. Either way, we were talking about it and he got upset and walked off. That’s when his co-founder came and talked to me, made me see how much I’d hurt him in the past, how blind I had been. Back then, I thought there was nothing in the world I knew better than Michael. He was the one constant in my life, even when I walked away from him, and I thought I knew him better than he knew himself. I see now that I was stupid and naive to think that. I took him and his feelings for granted and really hurt him because of it. I was self-absorbed and arrogant.”

“Miah, don’t be so hard on yourself…” Michael cut in softly. He really hated to hear Jeremy speak of himself in such negative terms, though he really wasn’t wrong.

Jeremy shook his head, “No, it’s true. I was, and I did hurt you. But… You never gave up on me. Talking to Tyler- the co-founder- he made me realize just how much I’d hurt him, how much I meant to him and, reflecting on that conversation, how much he means to me. So, dad, I’m… I’m moving to California. I’ll stay with Michael and work for him-”

“With.”

“You don’t get to make that call,” Jeremy reminded with a playful smile in Michael’s direction before returning his attention to his father, “I’ll be fine. I’ll be in good hands, you know I’ll always be safe if I’m with Michael, but I need to know you’ll be okay, too. You were doing so well for a while there but once I went off to college, it’s like you gave up again and I’m afraid if I go… I don’t know how much worse it’ll get.”

Mr. Heere was quiet for a time, looking between the boys, and Michael could tell it was freaking Jeremy out from the way he was tensing up against him, but Michael wouldn’t allow the pressure to get to him, the fear. Instead, he locked his gaze with his boyfriend’s father’s and asked, “Do you remember what you asked me when you wanted me to help Jeremy? Before the play? I couldn’t answer directly then. I couldn’t because I was afraid I’d lose him forever if he knew, but I’m ready now. I do love Jeremy, more than anything, and I’d do anything for him. Then, now, and forever. I want him to come be with me but you need to keep your end of the deal up, too. Just because we aren’t always here to make sure you’re sticking to it doesn’t make a difference. I’ll do everything I can to do right by him, and you know I will, but he needs you, too.”

The man sighed heavily, tiredly, “I know. I know I haven’t been there for you as much as I should have been since high school… It’s just, you moving away from home made it feel so final. The one last thing your mother left behind was gone, and it was just me.”

“But I’m not gone, dad! I’m still here, you can always call me, but you never do. You could have come to visit, but you never did, you just gave up and wallowed in your own pity like you did when she left.” Jeremy argued.

“That’s still true,” Michael added, “Even if Jeremy comes out with me to Cali, you can still call any time, come see us any time. I’ve already got a guest room set up for when my mom comes, you wouldn’t even need a hotel, you could leave clothes in the drawers for yourself, I’ll even get you tickets and arrange rides, all you’d have to do is show up. He never left you, and he’s not leaving you now. He’s living his own life, but he still needs you to be a part of it, the same way I need my mom. What’s he supposed to learn from this? His mother was a shit role model, we can all agree on that, but are you doing that much better? Yeah, he’s grown now, and no, he’s not as impressionable as he once was, but letting yourself get so down over what you’ve lost that you don’t even leave the house or even put  _ pants _ on- would you want him to do the same if he had kids of his own? Would you want his kids, your grandkids, to go through this? To see what he’s seen, feel what he’s felt, would you want that for them? He’s an adult now, but he still needs a role model. A parent’s job is never over unless you just walk away entirely like his mom did, and you’ve seen and felt the damage that’s caused.”

“You sound just like your father, Michael.” Mr. Heere said finally with a shaky, breathy laugh, and it caught him off guard. Honestly, Michael had never even considered the fact that Mr. Heere would have briefly known his father, that they might have even spent time together. “He would be proud of you.”

“You… You remember my dad?” Michael asked, suddenly feeling significantly more small and vulnerable than he had moments prior, lecturing Mr. Heere as he had been.

The man nodded with a small smile, “How could I forget? The two of us would share a six pack and watch you boys play, shooting the breeze. Ultimately, he was the one who made all of this possible. He was the one who set everything into motion. You were your father’s entire world, Michael. He loved you more than anything else, and I wanted so much to be that same strong figure in Jeremy’s life, but it was his last words to me that hit the hardest. Looking back on them, I almost wonder if he was a clairvoyant they were so prescient. He said, ‘I know the risks of what I’m doing, and I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t know you’d still be here for our boys. I’ll do everything I can to come back to my family, but if I don’t make it, I need to know you’ll look after them. Keep them safe, and don’t ever let anything come between them, because especially if I don’t make it, Michael will need Jeremy to see him through.’”

Michael was tearing up at the story, but Jeremy, on the other hand, was on the edge of his seat, “The night Michael called me! I thought you were standing up to mom because you were sick of her, but that wasn’t it at all, was it? You were keeping your promise!”

Mr. Heere nodded again, “I didn’t know what Michael was going through, but if he needed you, you had to be there, on my honor. Your mother objected. She said it was ridiculous. She said the two of you spent too much time together as it was, and calling so late on a school night, waking the whole house up was going too far. That if he needed something, his own mother should have taken care of it. I went against her wishes to honor his father’s, and that’s why she left. There was no winning in that scenario for me. Either I would have broken my word to him or I would have pissed off my wife… And having served myself, I put my honor over minor annoyances. I thought she would have come around, but as you can see, she didn’t. If I object to any of what the two of you are proposing now, I’d be making everything I did then meaningless because I’d be the one coming between you. You boys need each other, anyone can see that, you always have, and I’m glad you’re finally coming to accept that yourself, Jeremy. Go be with Michael, and don’t worry about me. I know as long as the two of you stick together, I’ll never have any reason to worry. But I will be taking you up on your offer, Michael, to come visit you both. You’ll be bankrupt by the end of the year.”

Sniffling and wiping his face on his arm, Michael gave a watery chuckle and said, “I look forward to it.”

The three spent the rest of the day deep-cleaning the Heere house, which had largely fallen into squalidity and cluttered disrepair in Jeremy’s absence, but as they crawled into bed that night in Jeremy’s apartment, Jeremy rolled to face Michael and asked softly, “Are you okay? I know hearing about your dad…”

“I’m alright, Miah.” Michael assured him softly, pressing a quick peck to his lips, “I wasn’t expecting to be the one who got emotional visiting  _ your _ dad, but… I’m okay. It’s funny, and kinda reassuring, to know that even though he had no way of knowing how we’d end up, the people we would be come, how long our friendship would last, what our relationship would become… He gave us his blessing, didn’t he? He wanted us to be together, and helped make it happen.” He sighed, closing his eyes, “I always wondered, you know, how he would have reacted even just to me coming out. If he’d be proud of me, ashamed, indifferent… I hardly remember anything about him, and what little I do remember isn’t enough to piece together an accurate picture.”

Jeremy’s hand came to rest on Michael’s arm, rubbing over it soothingly as he said, “Your dad was always our biggest supporter, Michael. Do you remember that Fourth of July I went with you and your parents to Coney Island? There were so many people, and we were so little we couldn’t see, but when he put you up on his shoulders so you could see better, we both got upset because we weren’t together, you remember that?”

Cracking one eye open, Michael smiled, because he most definitely remembered, “Hell yeah I do. He put you on one shoulder and me on the other and we had to hug over his head to stay on. My mom was freaking out ‘cuz she was convinced we were gonna fall.”

“Do you remember what he  _ didn’t _ do?” Jeremy asked, more pointedly. “He didn’t put us down when she asked, he didn’t pass one of us off for her to hold, he didn’t offer for us to take turns, he didn’t get upset with us for insisting that we be together. He’d be proud of you, Micha, so proud, not just for that, but for everything you’ve done. The play, M Red, all of it. How could anyone ever be anything but proud of you? Pride or envy, and he was too loving to ever be envious.”

Jeremy’s words hit Michael hard because he was absolutely right- well, maybe not about the last part, that pride or envy were the only feelings he could invoke in people, but everything else… He pulled Jeremy against his chest, “You’re so right. Everything he did then, even if I don’t remember much else, there’s no way he could have been anything but proud of me. I… really feel kinda stupid for even thinking otherwise now.” He paused a moment, falling silent as he contemplated asking his next question. He didn’t really want to ask it, but he wanted to hear the answer all the same, so in a tiny voice, he asked, “Jer? Are  _ you _ proud of me?”

Jeremy sat up straight in bed when Michael asked this, and Michael winced, afraid he had somehow angered his boyfriend. “Michael,” Jeremy said in a firm but loving tone, “I’m not proud of you for being gay, I don’t think that’s really something anyone should take pride in. Like, people don’t take pride in being straight, people don’t take pride in their gender- I mean, some people take pride in their race, but that’s barbaric and stupid, why should you be proud of something you were just  _ born _ into? I’m proud of your courage in coming out, though.” He lovingly brushed his fingers through Michael’s hair, “If I’d even realized I was bi back then, I know for a fact I wouldn’t have told anyone, except maybe you, but I still would have sworn you to secrecy. I’m proud of how strong you were, taking care of your mom when your dad passed, taking care of me when my mom left. I’m proud of how selfless and loyal you were, saving all of us during the play. It would have been so easy for you to just be bitter and resentful after everything, but you came back and saved the day… And I’m proud of you for your company and your success, too. I never thought to associate Red One and M Red with you, nor did I ever really read any of the articles where your name was mentioned- or if I did, I didn’t put together that it was you they were talking about- but I had  _ heard _ of the console, what it was doing, the waves it’s been making in the industry, the features, and I wanted one- I just didn’t have the room in my apartment or the time to enjoy it, really. Knowing that you were the driving force behind it’s creation and success fills me with overwhelming pride… And knowing that you’re drawing a lot of the inspiration for features you’ve added, content you’re creating for it, from time spent with me makes me a little proud of myself, too, ‘cause that means, in a way, I kinda had a hand in it, too, albeit a minor one. So yes, I am proud of you, Micha. Never doubt that for a second. I’m proud of you, I love you, and I’m so happy to be part of this company and this journey with you. You’ve… God, you’ve done so much for me over the years, Michael. You’ve seen me at my worst and you brought out my best, and through everything, you stood by me and loved me and never asked for anything in return, not even my love. I’m proud, Michael, that I’m the one you wanted. I’m proud that I’m the one you’re choosing to be with, but I don’t understand it. I don’t get  _ why _ you would. I don’t get what you see in me, why you’ve always been so loyal to me, why you’ve always loved me so much. I don’t get why you were happy to reconnect with me. If roles were reversed, if you’d done half the shit to me that I did to you, I don’t care how many times you tried to reach out to me, I would never have responded. I would have pretended I didn’t see it until you gave up… But you wouldn’t have given up, because that’s not who you are. I know you don’t want me to think about it, but I can’t help it. I’m scared, Michael. I’m terrified of fucking something up again and ending up really hurting you  _ again.  _ I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

Finally, Michael pushed himself into an upright position as well, pulling Jeremy, who had more or less folded in on himself in a fetal position, against him and kissing the crown of his head. “And I’m the one who holds you on a pedestal?” Michael asked softly.

“Maybe I do, but you  _ deserve _ to be there. Your pedestal is earned.” Jeremy mumbled, leaning into Michael’s affections.

Michael scoffed, “I told you I was going to give up, Jeremy. Your dad is the one who pulled me out of it, and if he hadn’t, who knows where we’d be now? And as for why I want you? Why I chose, and will always continue to choose, you over everything and everyone else? Because you know me better than anyone. You know what I need, you take care of me, you support me. It’s our Two-Player Game, Miah. You do lean on me, a lot, and I’m not denying that, but I lean on you, too. I need you just as much as you need me, if not more, and the older we get, the more that’s true. Life really has become a Two-Player Game for us, and maybe that’s not the norm for everyone, but it’s where we are. Starting out as kids, everything was fresh and new and that made it feel difficult, but as we grew and got used to it, the game started to change. More obstacles, stronger opponents, smarter AI, less resources, so while it  _ felt _ hard in the beginning, it was really just getting started and we didn’t know the rules. If we went back and played through the ‘Kindergarten’ level again, we’d dominate, even on our own, but when we really lived it, it was super tough, just like Apocalypse of the Damned. The first few levels, I can play through on my own now with no issue, but do you remember how long it took, even with the two of us, just to make it past the first level? We don’t get do-overs, though. We don’t get to go back and keep trying, to get 100% completion with the best ending. I wouldn’t have made it this far without my Player Two, there’s no doubt in my mind, and as we keep growing, as more struggles keep popping up, it’s only getting  _ more _ true that I need you. I tried online co-op and it didn’t work as well because Tyler doesn’t know my callouts like you do. He may run my server now, but he’s not my Player Two, and he never will be.” Jeremy chuckled at the notion, shaking his head, but Michael just smiled and pulled him closer, “I told you I was thinking about getting a roommate because I’m lonely, and it’s true. I thought maybe being proximally close to someone like I was with you, I might be able to forge a new companionship. They’d never be you, but maybe something almost comparable. I’d already been proven wrong on that front with Tyler, but I had to try something, because going it alone wasn’t working out for me, and I had no way to reach you, or even know if you were still interested in talking to me. You’ll always be my first choice, Jeremy. As my Player Two, as my best friend, as my  _ partner.  _ You may have hurt me in the past, but that doesn’t change what you mean to me, all you’ve done for me. You’re worried about doing it again, but I know that you won’t. I know because your fear of it won’t go away, because I believe in you. I believe in you, I trust you, and because I said that, because I know you’re already worried about it, I know you won’t let it happen again.”

Jeremy shook his head, “You trust me a hell of a lot more than I trust myself, then.”

“Good. I wouldn’t have it any other way, ‘cause I know you trust me the same way, and I sure as shit don’t trust myself, either.” He held his boyfriend as their breathing steadied, waiting until they had both calmed down some before finally suggesting, “Let’s get some sleep. Still got a big week ahead of us.”

“Mmm,” Jeremy agreed incoherently, the two of them falling back on the mattress together, “Goodnight Player One.”

Michael grinned, “Goodnight Player Two.”

Come morning, the boys went to the Mell house, though for Michael, it wasn’t anywhere near as nostalgic as going to Jeremy’s had been since he’d really just been in to visit his mother the month prior. As they got up to the door, Michael positioned Jeremy on the edge of the porch so that when the door opened, he’d be behind it and his mom wouldn’t see him. Ringing the bell with an award-winning grin, Michael waited patiently as his mother came to, and opened, the door. “Michael? You never come unannounced, is everything alright?”

“More than alright.” He threw his arms around his mother, hugging her tight, “I was just in town and thought I’d stop by.”

Her brow furrowed, “You know you’re always welcome to, but… What’s the occasion?”

“I wanted to tell you something, but I had to say it in person.” Michael teased, his face threatening to split from the sheer force of the smile he wore, “I got a boyfriend, mama.”

Obviously stunned by the news, the woman’s eyebrows shot up, “You got- that’s great, honey! Oh, I’m so proud of you.” She hugged him tighter rocking them both, “When do I get to meet him?”

Michael nudged Jeremy’s foot with his own, his cue, and Jeremy poked his head around the door, “You already did.”

The poor woman was so startled by the voice she jumped, letting go of Michael and scrambling back into the house before she realized who it belonged to. A hand over her heart, she breathed, “Jeremiah Heere, as I live and breathe. You boys…” She shook her head and chuckled, “You never change.”

“Nope,” Michael agreed proudly, popping the “p.”

“Some things never do.” Jeremy supplied.

“Well, come on in and tell me what I missed.” She invited, stepping aside to allow the two into her home. The visit with Mrs. Mell was far less eventful than the one with Mr. Heere had been, as they were mainly just catching her up on the events of the convention and what led up to it, and there had never been any question in either of their minds about if she would be supportive of their relationship or not. If she had any concerns about Jeremy not being right for her son, she didn’t voice them, though as they were leaving, she did cryptically tell Michael to ‘make good decisions,’ and never elaborated on what she meant by that. All in all, though, it was a nice visit with her, and she’d sent them off with a promise to visit soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where to start? I for sure took some liberties with Mr. Heere and his ex-wife's relationship troubles, but I thought it would be sweet to have that callback to Michael's father, to have their lives be so intertwined without them even being aware of it, and I thought that it helped explain Mr. Heere's obvious emotional turmoil after the divorce. Seeing that it was related to helping Jeremy and Michael makes sense, especially when you consider the Pants Song. He knew Jeremy needed him and he knew Michael was the only one that could do it, and he knew he could count on Michael because even though the boy himself wasn't aware of it, he'd been the one to help him before, and at great cost. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. It makes sense that his distress is honor-related as it's established from early on in the musical that he was formerly in the service, and although we don't know the reason he no longer serves (retirement, honorable discharge, dishonorable discharge, etc) the values instilled from that time of his life are still very much ingrained in him, and as Michael's father enlisted himself, it would make him feel all the more bound to uphold his word, especially knowing that the man himself had died. He didn't know what the right thing to do was- listen to his wife or be true to his word, and in the end, he went with the latter and wound up losing his wife because of it, so now he constantly questions if he made the right choice and struggles to make any further decisions on his own because he fears the consequences to the point that even going out into the world is overwhelming. Sort of like a PTSD situation. That's my breakdown of why all that makes sense, but I know you all have more questions about a bigger issue.
> 
> What Jeremy said about not being proud of being gay. I KNOW there will be people who disagree and that's fine, but I'm going to explain why I feel this way. I'm a gay-leaning transman myself, and as such, I have great respect for LGBT issues, as I've said countless times, but simply being LGBTQIA+ isn't something to be PROUD of. You're PROUD when you get good grades, you're PROUD when you do a good deed, you're PROUD when you score that promotion you worked so hard for... You're not proud you woke up in the morning. Grateful, maybe, not proud though. You're not proud of your ability to digest food, to breathe, to grow fingernails. Why is being LGBTQIA different? I'm not saying to be ASHAMED, I'm just saying pride isn't the right word. What it comes down to for me is a matter of strict definition. Being proud of a movement, being proud to be part of a community that's making real changes in the world- that's all well and good, those are things to be proud of, but simply BEING LGBT is just being who you are, who you were born to be, going with your natural order, and I don't think that's something to be proud of. Expressing it in the face of adversity, if you want to make that argument, is something to be proud of, the bravery and courage associated with that. I feel the same way about being proud of being LGBT as I feel about the entire concept of "coming out." It shouldn't be a thing. It should be such a normal, acceptable thing that there's no controversy around it, no one will shame you for it, so there's no reason to go out of your way to announce it. Unfortunately, the way our world is right now, you still kinda have to do it so you know who's going to stand with you, who your real friends are and where their loyalties lie, but it shouldn't be that way.
> 
> Yet another Ted Talk from your local Baka, I know. XD Had to be said, though. In other news, for those that know of what I speak, I love you all 3,000. For those who don't... I'm sorry, you don't know what you're missing out on, but I love you 3,000 too.
> 
> I'm still indecisive on whether I should make a bit of the last chapter NSFW or not so I'm looking for opinions. Please, please, tell me if you want to see that or not. As I've said, it's going to be kinda slice-of-lifey so... Yeah.

**Author's Note:**

> I do plan on making both the original version of this fic and this one multiple chapters, right now I'm aiming for three, but that might change. For now, here's the first one, and we'll see what happens.
> 
> As I explained in a long rambling reply to a comment on the original version of this fic, I've been putting a lot of my fanfiction writing on the backburner and really only doing it when I'm super bored and uninspired because I'm trying to work on my own original creations. I have beloved characters of my own that I want to share the stories of, an entire world waiting to be explored, and I want to work on those, so don't expect an update schedule from me.
> 
> That said, I've been trying to create a Discord server with some friends (currently the entire population of it consists of my three friends and I) dedicated to original works. We'll host writing events, you can plug your work however you please, chat with peers, bounce around ideas, collaborate, help each other with advice/inspiration and character development... You don't have to write to join, if you're just looking for potential new reads or even just new friends, you're welcome to join as well. The link will be posted below, and it is set to never expire, but if you have trouble with it, please comment and I'll update it with a functional one.
> 
> https://discord.gg/7tC8v86


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